stephsimply

Always wanting more? Try looking inward instead

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Things are just that–things. They don’t make us who we are. They make us look better on the outside, even when we’re hollow on the inside. They’re an illusion–the shiny objects that distract us from the really important things.”–Chelle Bliss

Trapped in the Wax 🕯️

The day had been cool and cloudy, and I had come home with a bit of fresh produce, including a variety of fruit. Given the weather, I thought it seemed like the perfect time to light the fragrant candle, a gift from a student. I did not think about the fact that fresh fruit, during certain times of the year, is often accompanied by tiny little flying insects.

There they were, though, tiny bugs trapped in the melted wax because they had been drawn to the light of the candle. Their attraction to shiny things had caused their demise in the end. I wonder what they sensed the candle light could offer them–if they felt the candle’s sparkling flame would somehow improve their lives.

Did those bugs confuse the candlelight with sunlight or moonlight? Did they think it would help them navigate through the otherwise overcast day? Perhaps, those pests confused the candlelight with bright flowers that nourish insects with nectar? Were they trying to escape some unseen predator and sense that the bright light would blind their predator from seeing them. Then again, maybe they were the predators looking for a meal, or were they looking for a suitable mate?

*_{They were so attracted to the flames, they lost their way and became stuck in the melted wax.}*

Attracted to the Brilliance ✨

Even science doesn’t seem to know the exact reasons bugs are drawn to light, and it made me wonder why humans, likewise, are drawn to shiny things? Big vehicles, the bigger and shinier the better. Large homes filled with sparkling appliances, a multitude of large screens, and a variety of other collections, depending upon a person’s interests and means. Closets gorged on a feast of clothes and shoes. Not to mention the cultural attitude about prosperity: those with means have been “blessed.” (I’m not sure what that means for the rest of us.)

Then there is the shininess of beauty, youth, and attractiveness, especially since our culture tends to place more value on the looks of youth over the experience and wisdom that comes with aging. Cosmetic injections, surgeries, and implants to change looks and/or stave off aging, no matter your gender. Your face should be blemish-free–no saggy eyes, no droopy chin, and while a few laugh lines are acceptable on men, wrinkles are not so appealing on women.

Window shopping 🛍️

We are attracted to the nectar of status, wealth, and beauty, and yet we are often as trapped as those insects, feeling as if what we have of it is not enough. This drives us into a perpetual cycle of needing more things, needing more investments, needing more dressings to make us look shiny to others. We are window shopping the lives of others to see if our own shop window is as appealing and competitive-looking as our peers.

Do we, like insects, confuse the brilliance of status and/or youthful beauty with the light of inner peace that can help shine a path through life? Do we sense that when times get overcast, the more things we have, the better able we will be to find our way through dark times? Could our obsession with window dressings come from our own insatiable, ego-driven hunger? Perhaps, we have an unspoken belief that we can protect ourselves from bad things happening to us if we attain a certain income status. Then again, maybe these objects make us feel/seem more attractive to others, in the hope of luring some attention.

Is it enough? 🤔

While I recognize that the words I write sound hyper-critical, please know that I am asking these same questions of myself. Should I do more to “improve” my looks? Is my career enough at this point in my life? Afterall, I am choosing to remain an educator, rather than administrator, because I still find intrinsic value in what I do, even though it doesn’t have the same monetary value?

My husband and I have a home, and it may not be the best. But, it is dry, safe, and warm. We have food on the table, and we certainly have clothes–albeit not necessarily the most up-to-date styles. At the end of my life, I often remind myself, I can’t take any of it with me. Nonetheless, I also know I must save for those end-of-life years, for which I hope/think we are doing enough, but is it?

Why do I sometimes feel I am not doing enough? Why do I feel like I should do more? Am I trapped in the wax of envy? Am I trapped in the wax of our cultural beliefs of worth and value? Am I the only one with these questions/feelings? I don’t think so.

Self-Reflection 🙏

I’ve concluded that it is only through self-reflection, contemplation, and meditative prayer that the answers are found. What is right for me, may not be right for others. By examining our attachments, we can begin to ask ourselves what things/what part of our lives are bringing us true fulfillment, and which are merely fueling our ego? When we look deeply, we see that many, if not most of our things, paint an illusion of happiness for us.

Much of what we have externally is impermanent. Even our relationships, as much as we value them–have a limited time. Therefore, through introspection, we can perhaps see the importance of living more fully in the present moment, completing our responsibilities without attaching to specific outcomes (because we really aren’t in as much control as we think we are) and surrendering the outcomes of our efforts to a higher power.

By shifting our focus more frequently to our internal world, we can begin to detach more from our external trappings. Then, we can learn to dampen the sounds of our ego’s attachments to societal values, and discover richness and fulfillment that comes from fostering our own spiritual growth and the expanding sense of peace that comes with it. The more we shift to an internal focus, the less trapped we feel, and the more we can enjoy and appreciate this gift of living.

Loneliness is a major health problem, and we can be part of the cure

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Be somebody who makes everyone feel like somebody.”–unknown

The Write Stuff ✏️

It was supposed to be a creative writing piece. A visual writing prompt given for the sole purpose of working with new vocabulary words. On the white board, I projected a picture of a fully clothed person, leaning against the wall of what appeared to be a school, but the physical person was invisible. The clothes the person was wearing were gender neutral. I assigned no gender, race, religion, etc. to this person. My directions were for the freshmen students to use their current vocabulary words to write this person’s story.

Most of the time, when I assign such a piece, only a handful of students really get jazzed about the chosen topic/challenge of the week. I am a realistic teacher and writer, so I get it. Not every topic can be inspiring.

However, this past week was different. Nearly every student was engaged, focused, and wanted more time to write. This was unusual since I did not assign a required length to this writing assignment. Rather, I required the correct use of all of the vocabulary words and that students fully write to the prompt.

_{This picture of a student, Madeline Garcia, was taken with permission to demonstrate students’ feeling of loneliness. While she was not one who wrote that she felt invisible, she was happy to help out with the photo illustration.}

Invisible Ink ✒️

Given the nature of my job and the number of students/grade levels I teach, it took me a couple of days before I read those creative writing responses. What surprised me the most was the repeated theme of feeling “invisible” to others. Depending upon the student’s situation/perception, this included friends, social groups, family, and other important adults in their life such as teachers, pastors, and coaches. It was clear to me that social isolation and loneliness is a very real phenomena amongst an age group known for their social connectivity.

To be sure, there were those students who wrote fantastical, fictional stories, and there were those who did the bare minimum with little creativity in order to complete the task. However, a large number of students wrote heart-wrenching stories of feeling overlooked, disregarded, or ignored by people they consider to be important in their lives. Many students spoke of possessing good qualities that went unnoticed or unappreciated by others. They described the utter loneliness they felt inside, even when surrounded by others.

Public Health Warning ⚠️

I was reminded of a couple of podcasts interviews I have listened to with the current U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, in which he discussed an advisory he released this past spring (2023) proclaiming loneliness and social isolation a public health epidemic in the United States. According to his findings, as seen in a release from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, loneliness is as bad as smoking on our health. When we experience long-term loneliness and social isolation, it can put us at risk for heart disease, stroke, and dementia.

However, for teens, this feeling of extreme loneliness, according to Murthy, predates COVID, despite all of the social media connections. Murthy warns that loneliness and social isolation negatively affects the mental health of all who experience it, but he states that it is especially troubling for teens. In fact, Murthy went on to issue another advisory this past June (2023) regarding youth and their use of social media, warning that extreme exposure, defined as more than three hours per day, is a major contributor to the uptick of teen anxiety and depression.

Face-to-face, heart-to-heart💖

Reflecting on my own student’s writing, it is clear, at least anecdotally, that loneliness is a very real feeling among teens. Of course, I do not want to totally dismiss the use of social media among teens as I know there are numerous benefits that can be found. However, it was interesting to note that when talking with all of my students, at all three grade levels (7, 8, 9), most stated they would rather spend time in person with their friends than text or connect with them via a social media platform. Of course, there were a few outliers, but by and large, most spoke of the fact that since COVID, they place greater value on spending time with their friends and family face-to-face.

As it turns out, my students’ stories reinforce the fact that we all have the basic need to love and be loved. We want to know that someone sees us, respects us, and truly “gets” us. Knowing that we matter to someone, that we make a difference, is paramount to our mental health.

When we engage with others face-to-face, we experience the nuances of communication–tone, facial expression, body language and so forth. Eye contact can communicate so much without words, and it can be an even more powerful tool when combined with meaningful words. I imagine that our most successful earliest ancestors survived by staying with their pack–not venturing out on their own to face the dangers and predators of the world. The same is true now, only our dangers and predators are more subtle and cunning.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Our problem; Our Solution

Of course, it’s easy to dismiss my students’ writing as the grievances of angsty youth. In fact, Dear Reader, you could tell me, “It’s your problem, Stephanie. I didn’t choose education as a career.” However, have you ever noticed that when you peel the “y” off of the word your, you are left with the word our.

This is our problem, and while I cannot pretend I have the answers for such a far-reaching issue, I do believe in the power of small acts of kindness. We can look for ways to help others, and I don’t just mean the traditional “Give money to the City Mission” or “Work at the Salvation Army” serving Thanksgiving dinner. Not that I am putting either of those down–they are worthwhile deeds. Instead, I am referring to our day-to-day real-life interactions and encounters. How can we make a difference daily?

Can we give our loved ones, including friends and family, more of our undivided attention for a few minutes with the cell phone put away? Can we make more eye contact and speak a few kind words with the person who serves your coffee, lunch, or an employee at your favorite grocery store? Can we take time to help another person with the door, or be more patient with that co-worker that honestly gets on your nerves?

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

kindness matters😎

The list could go on, but my point is this. Small acts of service communicate to others that they matter and that they are not invisible to you. I know it is easier said than done, given the fast pace of life. Believe me, I struggle with it too! What I do know is that little acts of service or kindness makes us feel good, and more importantly, can also impact another person’s life. At the very least, it allows us to feel our own agency in addressing the problem of loneliness.

I conclude, with a small prayer of hope. May we begin to lead more people-centered lives, so we can truly see one another’s need to matter. 🙏

Stuck On Flat Ground

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“What you do makes a difference. And you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”–Jane Goodall

Photo by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

Sweeping ArounD 🧹

During the pandemic, I purchased a Roomba, an iRobot vacuum for which I could set a schedule for regular sweepings of the house. There were three of us at the time, working from home and interacting a whole lot more with our two cats. Thus, there was more than the normal amount of traffic in the main areas of our house, so the Roomba seemed like a good investment.

It was great fun watching that little disc, affectionately named “Spot,” zip around the house whisking away the hair and dust while we worked. At first, it seemed to move throughout the house in no certain order. However, once its internal navigating system became familiar with the layout of our house, it didn’t take long for it to begin trekking over the carpet in precise patterns. We watched it move with intention, seemingly knowing where it was, where it wanted to go, and where it wanted to end before the battery needed to be recharged.

Stuck AGain 🤔

Lately, however, it’s been sending me messages that it ended its job, “stuck.” At first, I wondered how it was possible for Roomba to be stuck on a flat surface? I supposed its battery simply didn’t have the strength it once had. Now, the problem has grown even bigger, not only is it still sending me messages that it is “stuck,” but it is also no longer functioning properly, pushing the cat hair into multiple mini-piles all over the carpet. Now, we come home to find the Roomba, at a stand still in the middle of an open, flat area of our house. It’s as if it is so focused on getting finished before its battery dies that it’s not taking to properly execute its job–sweep the dust and cat hair.

This reminded me that sometime in life, it’s not necessarily the challenges that get us, but instead, it’s the everyday routine that can cause us to get stuck in a rut. Our own internal navigation system focuses so much on the destination–be it the end of the day, the end of the work-week, the number of days until a holiday/vacation, the number of years to retirement, and so forth–that we forget to pay attention to the road over which we travel. Navigation systems require two things: Knowing where you are, and where you want to be? However, if you don’t pay attention to the route, you won’t get to your destination.

No Stopping until We Reach our Destination ✈️

Too often we are so focused on our self-defined destination that we forget where we are and overlook not only the pothole in the road or traffic jam ahead, but we also ignore the beautiful scenery that lines the route. Our eyes become so fixated on “the end” that we will blunder and stumble through the motions of life, forgetting that we have a purpose in the here and now, not just once we reach our destination. In the same way that part of traveling is paying attention to the route in order to arrive safely, we too cannot fully and satisfactorily arrive at any self-determined destination without fully focusing on the route in between.

Agency over Urgency🚘

As a young teenage driver, my parents often advised me to, “Give yourself enough time to arrive safely at your destination.” This is a great reminder for moving through life. It reduces urgency, so that we can have agency. Remembering that we have a certain level of agency in situations, no matter what our jobs/roles/responsibilities are, serves as a reminder that we have a certain level of choice as to where we put our attention and how we choose to react to the proverbial potholes in the road of life.

When we were new drivers, we needed to master small tasks, such as, navigating traffic, how/when to turn at a stop sign, how to safely pass another driver, and so forth. Working on these skills over time was part of the process to becoming a successful driver. Likewise, as young adults, we approached life and our newly found adult role with the trepidation of a newly licensed driver. Over time, just like with driving, the more we participate in our new roles, the more our knowledge increases. It’s only natural that we begin to modify and adapt our navigational skills as we gain a better understanding of where we are and the direction our life is taking.

Inner Tune Up 🔧

However, it is easy to get stuck in the routine and lose sight of the actual route over which we travel. We go through the motions, driving through life, but not really engaging with it. That’s when, like my iRobot, we need to reach out for “I-support” and perhaps do some trouble shooting. We can do this through meditation, self-examination/reflection and also by connecting with the faith-based community of our choice, a trusted friend, family-member, or fellow mentor. Through the process of self-reflection and reaching out to a trusted group or person, we can tune-up our inner-GPS, ensuring we are focused on our values and traveling, aka working, in alignment with them.

People-Centered Living 😃

When we focus more on our values, it helps us adhere to our destination’s route, but with less emphasis on the journey’s end and more emphasis on what is in front of us in the here and now. By observing who, or what, is in our day-to-day encounters, we might begin to see that we are more than our work. Instead, we begin to live a more people-centered life, and not just work-centered lives.

Additionally, when we truly take the time to refocus on our values, we are taking time to also tune-up and adjust our own inner world, our internal navigation system. In the same way a fully functioning navigation system gets our cars to our ultimate destination, our internal pilot will wander all over the place without a robust, healthy internal world. When our internal navigating system is off, we, too, become stuck on flat ground like my Roomba.

There’s nothing wrong with a daily routine. They are necessary to complete life tasks. However, let us not allow their regularity to cause us to overlook the very things that can feed our souls and enrich our life. Let us take time to remember our core values, so that we are mindful of the destination without urgency, and use our agency to engage with the opportunities along the way.

Cottage Pudding with Vanilla Sauce with gluten-free options

September 28, 2023September 27, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Uncategorized

“At home, my food is just sort of comfort food. It’s not super fancy, but it’s certainly tasty.”–Anne Burrell

*_{Serve it up with strawberry sauce or any other fruit sauce.}*

When I read the above quote by TV celebrity chef Anne Burrell, I realized I do not know much about who she is or the type of foods she likes; her words simply resonated with me. Therefore, I am not sure if my idea of comfort food is the same as hers, but most of my favorite comfort foods are budget-friendly, including the recipe from my childhood I am sharing with you today. I think this recipe is especially comforting on cool evenings like the ones we experience during the fall time of the year.

I grew up surrounded by women who knew how to cook, what I considered comfort food, and it was definitely low-cost. Two of these women, my grandmothers, came of age during the depression and the World War 2 era that followed, so you know they had to learn to manage with few resources. And though my own mom did not grow up during such challenging circumstances, as the mother of four children, she definitely had to learn to cook as inexpensively as possible.

*_{Don’t let the plain canvas fool you, the vanilla sauce is rich and thick!}*

Cooking on a budget does not have to equate with not eating well. Some of the best and healthiest foods are quite often budget friendly–although I know this recipe is an exception with regards to “healthy.”. In fact, this recipe uses common ingredients most of us have on hand if we bake with any regularity.

As best as I can tell, based upon my limited research, this recipe originated in the mid-1800s in North America. “Cottage,” refers to the fact that the recipe was considered simple and affordable for common farmers and laborers of the time period. “Pudding” is a word that dates back to England, and it was, and still sometimes is, used to refer to any dessert. However, given this cake is served with a sauce, lending it somewhat mushy, perhaps the word pudding was intentional.

*_{This shortbread-like cake lends itself to a wide-array of toppings, such as chocolate sauce.}*

Regardless of its history, I believe there is a time and place for celebratory, comfort food, and it doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg to make it. This simple dessert is one my mom used to make on rare, but special occasions for the family when I was younger. In fact, it was often made in honor of birthdays or other special events.

I remember feeling excited as a youth when this was served. Perhaps, it was the warm syrup served on top of it that made it feel special as if we were eating a thick, dense pancake for dessert. Then, again, maybe because with six of us eating–four of which were kids, and only nine servings–I knew I had better enjoy and savor the dessert on the day it was made. (There certainly weren’t any leftovers that I can recall.) Plus, there was that simple vanilla flavor that was warm, comforting, and oh-so-tasty.

*_{Load this cake up with your favorite fruit; it can hold up to it because it has more of a shortbread consistency.}*

I was reflecting on my impending birthday when this recipe came to mind. I rooted around my old recipe box and dug this oldie-but-goodie recipe card. Since I had not baked it since well before my diagnosis of celiac disease, it occurred to me that I should create a gluten-free variation to celebrate my birthday.

_{(My celiac disease went undiagnosed until my late 40s, so my mom would not have known I needed a gluten-free variation. Besides, celiac disease was not really well-known/understood in the era in which I was raised.)}

I hope you will give this simple recipe a try. The cake is quite similar to shortbread, or an old-fashioned biscuit–so it lends itself to a wide-array of toppings. It’s traditionally served with a glaze or custard sauce, but you could certainly use any fruit toppings, or other traditional sauces, such as brown butter, caramel, lemon, or chocolate. I certainly came across several recipe variations for sauces.

*_{The cake is a versatile canvas–welcoming all flavors and types of sauces.}*

Cut this cake into nine pieces. Serve the cake warm and then drizzle plenty of sauce over it. Feel free to poke holes in the top of each piece before drizzling with syrup, as we used to do as kids, to soak up the maximum amount of syrup. It’s perfect with a cup of hot coffee, tea, hot cocoa, or even milk–if that’s your thing.

From my home to yours, I wish you stories and memories filled with comfort food.

*_{The original recipe written down for me by my mom. Notice there are three difference variations for the sauce.}*

Cottage Pudding with Vanilla Sauce

Ingredients:

1 ¾ cups flour, gluten free if needed

2 teaspoons baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

¼ cup soft shortening

¾ cup sugar

1 egg or plant–based egg substitute

1 tablespoon vinegar

¾ cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Sauce:

Ingredients:

1 cup sugar

2 tablespoons cornstarch (ensure it’s from a gluten free facility it needed)

2 cups water

2 teaspoon vanilla

¼ cup butter, can be vegan

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Prepare 9×9 baking with nonstick cooking spray

Stir together flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl

In a mixing bowl, cream together shortening and sugar until light and fluffy

Beat in egg and vinegar until mixture is creamed together

Measure milk into cup and stir vanilla extract into it

Mixing slowly, add in about ⅓ flour mixture and ½ milk mixture

Once incorporated, add in another ⅓ flour mixture and rest of milk mixture

Add in remaining flour mixture until batter is smooth and well blended

Spread into prepared pan

Bake 25-30 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean

Allow to cool 10 minutes before serving with warm sauce

Makes 9 servings

To make the sauce:

Meanwhile, mix sugar and cornstarch together in a pan over medium heat

Gradually stir in water

Bring to a rolling boil for one minute, stirring constantly

Stir in butter and vanilla extract

Once butter has melted and all ingredients are blended, sauce is ready to serve

Save leftover in airtight container in refrigerator

Warm sauce to serve over cake whenever eating leftovers

This sauce makes great syrup for pancake, waffle, or french toast

The Stardust of Grandparents Twinkles like their eyes

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

*_{Papaw, in the backyard of my childhood home, with my hand resting on his shoulder. I am not sure what the moment or occasion was, but this photo captured a moment between the two of us.}*

A Light from the tunnel of times past 💡

My mom found and gave to me a picture of her dad, Papaw, as I called him. In the photo, he is in the foreground, sitting at a table on the patio of my childhood. In the background of that picture are several small details of my childhood home. Gazing for some time at that picture transported me backwards through a tunnel of times past.

To begin, I noticed the infamous backdoor that we weren’t supposed to slam as children heading out to play. Then, there’s the wooden fence my dad built, which reminded me that he also designed and poured the concrete for that patio. Additionally, I can see part of our clothes line with its bag of clothespins. I recall my mom teaching me the proper way to hang clothes, sheets, and towels to minimize wrinkles and shorten the drying time.

*_{He ultimately sold his grocery store business and worked for C & O Railroad.}*

Papaw 👴🏻

Once the surge of those background memories drifted down the stream of remembrances, another torrent of emotions began swelling–Papaw. In the photo he sits in one of his classic jumpsuits that he wore nearly every day of his life except for yard work and church events. His smile is tender in this photo, and despite the not-so-great quality of the camera, the picture still manages to capture that twinkle in his eyes.

I adored that man. Now, as an aging adult, I am certain that Papaw was full of flaws. Family rumors of the daredevil antics of his youth, his hobo days after marrying my grandmother– leaving her for weeks at a time to raise two young boys and manage an independent grocery store with its own lunch counter by herself– his issues with depression, and perhaps even some philandering, were whispered stories among the family adults. As kids, we gathered bits and pieces of these stories, as one does a torn up letter, but we were simply too young to put the pieces together. He was simply our Papaw.

Traveling Backwards through the Tunnel of time 🔙

Staring at the photo of this complicated man that I am only now beginning to see in a realistic light, I assess the other person in the photo. She is a college student with her hand on Papaw’s shoulder–a habit I recognize because it is me. I tend to place my hand on the shoulders of people who are seated at tables, or even desks in a classroom. I suppose it is my way of saying I care about you; how can I help; or, can I get you anything? It took my breath away upon first seeing it. So much is captured in that frozen image of time.

Papaw often called me a Kewpie-doll or China-doll. I am sure this was because of my size. I was small for my age for many of my younger years. I was also often sick during this time period, and I recall being hospitalized at least twice. Both memories are blurs of oxygen tents, IVs in my thighs, dimly lit hospital rooms, and Papaw’s worried face when I would wake with bleary eyes from sickness induced sleep.

*_{Papaw and me. I am sure I just “helped” him wash his car.}*

Purple Hazy memories 💜

I remember during one of these stays, he gave me a purple popsicle. Purple was my favorite color–a color he hated because he associated it with Christ’s crucifixion–but when faced with two granddaughters (my cousin and I) who both loved purple, he came to terms with that color. But, I digress.

Anyway, he gave me that half popsicle. (Remember how adults would break those double-stick popsicles into two?) I was lying on my side, with the hospital bed rail up, trying to lick the popsicle for him. He said it would make me better, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The popsicle melted, and I remember waking enough to experience a short burst of fear that I would get spanked for making a mess. (Not that Papaw would have ever laid a hand on me, but I was sick, and logic eluded me.)

There was another time I woke up in a hospital bed crying because there were needles in my legs (IVs) and I was scared. Papaw patted my hand and told me not to be afraid as he wiped away his own tears.

During one of those hospital stays he gave me a bouquet of pink plastic flowers that my grandmother sprayed with perfume. Once home, I kept it in my bedroom for years, and I would sniff it countless times to see if I could still catch a whiff of that perfume.

Runaway Story 🏃‍♀️

Another time, Grandmother and Papaw came to stay at our childhood home while my parents were out of town. I became mad at my grandmother for some reason–that part eludes me–but I decided to run away. I lived on a small cul-de-sac in the country, surrounded by hills, so I am not sure where I thought I would go. Nonetheless, I took off running in my headstrong way down the street until I got to the main road with fast moving cars and no real safe space to walk.

Tail tucked between my legs, I slowly trudged back to my house, and I slumped against one side of it, arms crossed, still mad, but losing steam. Out of the house came Papaw. I don’t know how he knew I was there, but there he was. I am not sure precisely what he said, but he did tell me a story about a time he ran away. He added, with great solemnity, that running away never solved problems.

Looking back on that now, I wonder if there was more he was confessing, but I would not have been old enough to catch the symbolism of his words. I do recall Papaw encouraging me to be more understanding of my grandmother. He further added that as the oldest child, he counted on me to be her biggest helper. He wanted me to apologize to Grandmother and be “his girl” by being her helper from then on.

*_{Even in high school, I still adored my Papaw.}*

A Grandfather’s Love 💖

And that is what it came down to. When I studied that picture, I was reminded of being “Papaw’s girl,” something he probably also told all the other grandchildren. Nevertheless, I believed he loved me most of all, and that made me feel special. It now seems naive and silly, but that is how he could make me feel. A feeling that has never left me, even now as I look at that image.

The Abundance of his legacy ✨

Wiping away my reminiscing tears, I gaze at this man who was complex in ways I never knew. He only had a 5th grade education, but he still managed to educate himself through his endless curiosity. Papaw was complicated, and yet simple. He managed to ultimately live an abundant life.

Papaw traveled all over the world with my grandmother visiting and staying with missionaries, and he also traveled through his hometown as a teen standing on his circa 1920s motorcycle. He was the trusted treasurer of his church for as long as I can remember. Papaw played football before there was all the protective clothing, and he loved the game until Alzhiemer’s disease took his mind. He retired from C & O railroad, and he once owned a grocery store that was flooded twice by the Ohio River. It was the ‘37 flood that ended those retail days and inspired him to build a house on a hill. Yet, this same man once swam across the Ohio River from South Shore, KY to somewhere near Portsmouth.

He had three children, my mom being a late-in-life surprise, and he had nine grandchildren. He loved us all.

There are stars which I regard in the mornings when I walk or run. They line heaven’s boulevard. They twinkle their good mornings to me like Papaw’s eyes once twinkled his love. I’d like to think he is part of their stardust.

I wish I could give every child a grandfather like mine.

Pushing through limiting beliefs: the case for contemplative practice

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.”–Corinthians 13:11 NRSV

Push or pull 🚪

Years ago, when I first started dating my husband, we traveled to a local town center and parked in its parking garage. In order to access the stairwell from the garage, you had to go through a set of glass doors, but we encountered a problem.

The doors would not push open for us. John tried. I tried. For the life of us, we could not get those doors to open. We nervously stood there wondering if we would spend the entirety of our second date standing in a parking garage. Finally, one of us, and by now, I do not remember who, read the sign on the door, “pull here.” It was really that easy. The doors opened as if by magic.

*_{Sometimes we are focusing our energy on continuing to open doors that keep our beliefs limited.}*

This past week, I was reminded of that memory. Throughout my workweek as an educator, I travel between the high school and the middle school, in order to teach classes. Structurally, the two buildings are designed quite differently based upon the era in which they build. Therefore, their doors are designed differently as well.

While I don’t have an issue, as you may have predicted, between pushing and pulling the doors open for either building, instead, it is remembering, on the high school side, which of the double doors leading to each floor is the correct door to pull to open. Exiting any floor, both doors push open, but when entering the floor, only one door pulls open, and you guessed it, I tend to grab the wrong door and try to pull it open. You’d think by now, I’d have it down.

When I once more tried to pull the wrong door open again this past Friday, I thought back to that second date with John, and I began to reflect on all the ways life can be like those doors. How often do we continue to push through something in life, when really we only need to gently pull. Or, how many times have we reached for the wrong door to open, when the “right” door was there all along?

*_{How many times do we continue pull ourselves through the same doors in life, when all really need to do is pull open a new door.}*

Those unidentified LImiting Beliefs 🤔

Many of us, at one time or another, have allowed limiting beliefs to influence our choices and actions in life. These beliefs could have been established in our childhood, steeped in the culture of our local environment, or even part of time-specific attitudes of a specific decade. For example, you may have been raised in one set of faith practices and remained faithful to that belief system because it seemed like the “only one.” Another example might be that you were raised in a community with a limited mindset, and therefore, that influenced a large portion of your choices in early adult years. Then, again, due the decade or family situation in which you were raised, you may have only felt as if you could only pursue specific career paths.

None of the scenarios, or any of the other hundreds of examples, are inherently bad or wrong. In fact, for many people, it works out just fine until one day it doesn’t. Specifically, I recall a young lady I once knew. Throughout her young life, she was pushed by parents and their social group to focus on her looks, and she was encouraged to have boyfriends from a young age. This young lady was beautiful, but she was also bright and kind hearted. Still, the message she received was that her purpose was to finish high school, marry, and be a mother.

Again, there is nothing wrong with beauty, dating, marriage, and motherhood. It was the fact that these ideas were valued and encouraged at a young, impressionable age, and indeed, she did what was expected of her. However, when she became pregnant by her senior year of high school and dropped out of school, she was suddenly the object of gossip and rumors. Her parents were furious with her, unable to see their role in this situation.

Coming face to face with limited Beliefs 🧐

In one fell swoop, the young lady appeared to lose her support system, and her shift suddenly shifted from what she had been taught her whole life to the well-being of herself and her child. Eventually, she went to live with a friend and her family.

It took her years of struggling, but eventually, I am told, the young woman moved out of the area, worked numerous part time jobs in an attempt to support herself and her child. As her child grew, she began to take online classes. First, she earned her GED, and later, she earned her associates degree in business. Some years later, I learned this tenacious woman married and worked for a fairly large business firm. She never had another child, and she rarely sees her family. Her child, at last count, was in graduate school.

What I do remember about this young woman was that she once shared with me, early in her pregnancy, how she felt pushed to meet what she thought were the expectations of her. She reflected that she had spent most of her teen years starving herself to maintain a certain size. Her education was not prioritized, but rather her social life, specifically dating. She was pushing through her youth to meet what she thought was her family and community expectation.

Recognizing internalized beliefs 🤨

This is only one example. When we only know one way to push, that’s how we open doors in life. Racism, sexism, bias against other religions or religious bias, prejudice, limiting beliefs about gender roles, and the list could continue, can be restrictive, and even detrimental, ideas that we may not realize we have internalized. These types of belief systems typically occur due to the way in which we were raised, the groups with whom we socialize, the community in which we live, or, the social media platforms we choose to follow.

Many of us don’t recognize that we may have these internalized limited belief systems until something changes. All of the sudden, we come face-to-face with a situation in which our beliefs will no longer open the proverbial life door. For example, years after the young lady moved away, I ran into her mother. Her mom was divorced, living in a different community, and added she was attending a completely different type of church.

The mom openly shared with me her regrets about the way she raised and treated her daughter. Hindsight–and a perspective shift–caused her to see life differently. At that last encounter, she said she was trying to re-establish a relationship with her daughter, son-in-law, and grandchild. I hope it worked out for her.

The case for Contemplative Practice 🙏

This is where having contemplative practice is important. Whether you do this through meditation, praying, formal scripture study with a trusted mentor, or simply set aside time to be with your own thoughts. Self-examination and reflection of our actions and attitudes is critical for our personal growth as well as our spiritual growth. This includes taking time to identify areas in which we may still exhibit childish or limited beliefs, attitudes, and actions. Once identified, the key is to consider the ways in which we can work to replace them with more mature, open-minded, and loving ways.

In the end, we can keep moving through life pushing through doors based upon untested assumptions, or we can pause when we begin to feel resistance and ask ourselves if it’s time to pull, or at the very least, push open another door.

Wounded Light: How our wounds, injuries, and hurts illuminate us

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Rumi, Sufi poet

Photo by Anastasiia Chaikovska on Pexels.com

Pain-handler 🔥

My daughter once made an off-hand remark about the way I handle pain. She said something to the effect that my legs could be broken, my hair on-fire, and I’d still claim to be fine because my arms were still working. Of course, she was exaggerating because I am definitely not immune to pain.

I do, however, possess the ability to distract and/or redirect my focus away from discomfort. On first glance, this can seem like a good thing, and I suppose, at times, it is. Tolerating pain and challenges is what allows humans to get through tough times. And while I could offer plenty of examples of the benefits for “shouldering through the pain/trauma/difficulty,” I think it is important to also recognize that by “shouldering through,” not only is it possible to create a bigger issue, but we are also missing an opportunity to see the Light within.

Accepting Limits 🛑

There are times when it is necessary to acknowledge and accept our wounds/injuries. The pain is signaling that, at least for the time being, we need to accept new limits and boundaries in order to enhance the healing process. This is true not only for physical pain, but also true for mental health trauma.

However, for many of us, myself included, sitting with and accepting pain is often difficult. Whether it is genetics, environment, or society, many of us would much rather suffer through our pain with a smile painted on our faces, than truly feel and acknowledge that we are hurting. For some, this is a matter of pride, for others, it may mean admitting defeat and/or imperfections–while for others it is simply an extension of their stoic nature.

Then, there are those who know that to feel the pain would mean to feel their own brokenness, quite possibly forcing them to name their suffering. This is often a result of the connotation society has attached to specific words associated with pain. Words such as, injury, hurt, pain, broken, surgery, depression, anxiety, recovery, often have a negative association attached to them causing many to recoil in fear and resistance at such an identification. For others, there is an association with weakness if identified as having one of those.

Self-Compassion ❣️

It is with that understanding, I encourage all of us, myself included, to take time to acknowledge our wounds, our injuries, and our mental anguishes, past or present. Additionally, it is important to acknowledge the limitations and/or pain those hurts created. Finally, it is most important to do these while offering ourselves compassion. If a loved one was suffering with an injury, we would want to help them in any way we can, so let us begin to treat our own pains with the same level of tender-heartedness. Taking time for our own healing is not a selfish act, but an act of seeing the Divine Light working within us.

I came across a line in a poem that said, “We are wounded healers,” and it really gave me a moment of pause. The poet had a point, we have all been injured in some way, from scraped knees and elbows when we were children, to broken bones, illnesses, or a mental health crisis as we moved through our teens years and continuing into our present adulthood. It is important to note that each hurtful event informed and shaped us, whether we realized it or not. Unfortunately, there are many of us who have and/or continue to suffer silently through multiple painful experiences and traumas, past and present.

Our bodies and mental health have limits. When pushed past our natural boundaries, our injury or trauma signals us with pain in an attempt to get us to take time to allow the body and/or mind to heal. Given certain situations, there are times, events, and circumstances in which we lack the power to grant time for healing. This is often the case in childhood trauma and abusive relationships.

Other times, however, we prefer the quick-fix route–give me a pill and make it stop method–so I can move on with my life. However, quick-fixes don’t always create an optimal environment for healing. Instead, they tend to mask the underlying issue, allowing the injury/pain to fester in silence.

Wounded Healers ❤️‍🩹

This is regrettable because in those moments of injury, when we allow our bodies or minds time to heal and recover; we begin to bear witness to the miraculous creations that we are. The same Source that created us is the same Source that can help heal us, in tangent with a healthy dose of prescribed treatment. Our bodies and minds have been uniquely fashioned with astonishing proportions of resilience, strength, and fortitude. We can be wounded, but we can be healed. We are all, in the words of the poet, wounded healers.

Numerous writers and poets have written that our wounds and injuries allow the Light to enter us. This Light enlightens us. In fact, the more we have been scared by life’s injuries, the greater our understanding of the fragility and preciousness of life. Further, our capacity for empathy with those who are suffering also increases, thereby granting us the added insight to words and actions that may provide comfort to those experiencing similar injuries and wounds.

The Light within 🕯️

Our many wounds and scars offer us greater illumination from within. Our True Source of strength resides in those areas. Those old wounds serve as reminders of our survival, growth, and our own knowing. The knowing of how it feels to truly hurt, and the full joy of knowing what it means to heal and recover. There is the additional knowing that healing can sometimes hurt as tissue and mental faculties are fashioned together in a new, often more durable manner. And there is the ultimate knowing that nothing, not injury, not pain, and not even us, lasts forever.

Therefore, the next time injury, pain, or suffering comes calling, can we challenge ourselves to allow it? Can we learn the lesson it may be offering us? To be sure, the process is not easy, and it requires patience as well as a heaping portion of trust, especially when the other side of healing may not mean a pain free life. However, in the same way sunlight can illuminate even the smallest of cracks, we too can hold tightly to the faith that the Light, our True Source, can heal and shine through our wounded selves.

Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

Melbourne, Florida, a GREAT Place to Visit Along the Space Coast of Florida

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Travels

Melbourne is known as the “economic engine” of Brevard County and is regarded as one of the area’s most bustling cities.–Garden Communities FL Blog

Space Coast 🚀

When you think of Florida’s space coast, Cape Canaveral is often the first town to come to mind, and why not? With its Kennedy Space Center, Cape Canaveral is rich with space history and full of attractions. However, Florida’s space coast is a 72 mile long coast full of charming, family-friendly beach towns, including Melbourne, Florida.

Melbourne Beach🏝️

My husband, John, and I had the opportunity to visit Melbourne during late July in order to spend some time with my dad and step-mom, Pam. Melbourne, Florida is approximately one hour east of the infamous Orlando, Florida, it is approximately 90 miles south of Daytona, and it is a mere 25 miles from the space king, Cape Canaveral. Although Dad and Pam technically live in Palm Bay, John and I stayed in an adorable AirBnB in Melbourne in order to be within walking distance to the ocean. This was our second visit to this walkable, historic beach town, and it won’t be our last!

Of course, our main purpose for visiting Melbourne was to spend time with family; however, John and I both agree that it is definitely a town we recommend for anyone to visit–even if you don’t have family living in the nearby vicinity. In addition to its close proximity to the Kennedy Space Center and beautiful beaches, there are numerous other reasons to visit the Melbourne area. Furthermore, it has an interesting history to boot.

But first, a Bit of History 📘

It is believed that Paleoindians were the first to enter and inhabit the area that is now considered Melbourne during the final glacial episodes. Time-travel forward thousands of years later, and one sees that the town was officially formed in 1867 by former slaves. One of the more colorful settlers include freedman Captain Peter Wright, known as the “sailing postman,” who sailed to and from the various riverside towns around the Melbourne area delivering mail.

At first, the area was known as Crane Creek. However, the name was later changed to Melbourne. This name change was a nod at another early settler who also served as the first postmaster. His name was Cornthwaite John Hector, and he had spent most of his life in Melbourne, Australia, before moving to Florida. Therefore, Melbourne was ultimately chosen to honor Hector’s life.

Melbourne, Present Day 😎

Presently, Melbourne boasts a population of 86,678 residents, with its largest demographic being millennials. It is situated on the barrier island that separates the Indian River Lagoon from the Atlantic Ocean. In fact, it is accessed by the Melbourne Causeway which crosses over the Indian River Lagoon. Despite being surrounded by all that water, Melbourne, and the surrounding area of Brevard County, is one location in Florida that is not prone to sinkholes. Now that’s reassuring information to residents and tourists alike!

Did someone say Beach? 🏖️

Due to the fact that Melbourne is ideally located, there are many attractions for visitors to experience while staying. One obvious attraction is the beach. In fact, there are numerous beautiful, less populated beaches throughout Brevard County and the space coast, but many consider Melbourne beaches to be some of the best. Plus, Melbourne offers plenty of public parking, making it easy to access the beach if staying a little farther from the coast.

Juan Ponce De León Landing is a popular choice among local residents for its surf fishing, paddle boarding, and surfing. This 25+ acre recreational beach park offers visitors plenty of parking, public restrooms, as well as two beach crossovers. It also has a pavilion, which can be reserved for special occasions and events.

Melbourne Beach Pier is located in Ryckman Park on Indian River in the historic section of Melbourne. The pier was built in 1889 and is an ideal location for an evening stroll, photography, or simply relaxing as you watch a spectacular sunset over the river after a day at the beach. This pier and park are considered a U.S. National Register of Historic places. This same area also houses the community center, town hall, and several gazebos for unwinding.

For those who are fans of baseball, Space Coast Stadium is also located in Melbourne. It is home to the Brevard County Manatees, a Class A Advanced Affiliate to the Atlanta Braves. Moreover, it is also the spring training home for MLB’s Washington Nationals.

If wildlife viewing is your thing, you might consider booking with Camp Holly Airboat Rides. These airboat rides take visitors along the St. John River for a 40-minute wildlife viewing tour. They also offer nighttime rides for those interested in viewing alligators up close.

Another popular local attraction is the Brevard Zoo. Built in 1994, the zoo serves as a conservation center where people can visit and learn about animals and the importance of preserving them as well as their natural habitat/environment. The zoo is home to over 900 animals, including 195 species from all over the world. It offers a center for sea turtle rehabilitation, and it is also involved in efforts to restore mangroves and native oyster beds to ensure cleaner waters and more stable shorelines.

*_{This bird-of-paradise plant symbolizes the bit of paradise one can find in Melbourne, Florida.}*

Melbourne offers several historic sites including the Historic Rossetter House Museum and Gardens which is available for tour, but can also be reserved for private parties. Additionally, there are several hotels in the area that are considered historic, including the Hotel Melby, in the Historic Downtown section. The town is also home to Florida Institute of Technology, a school of engineering that started with a .37 cent donation in, but it is also known for its diverse and stunning botanical gardens open to the public for leisurely strolls.

Dem Bones, Ghosts, and a bit of Fame . . .

Other random bits of Melbourne, Florida information and trivia include the fact that it is situated on a bone bed of fossils 10,000 to 20,000 years old that includes mammoths, camels, and mastodons to name a few. While staying in Melbourne, you can also visit a haunted business, Hell ‘n Blazes Brewery, which is said to be haunted by the building’s original owner from over 100 years ago. Furthermore, Melbourne has its own airport that once served as a military base. Finally, one final piece of Melbourne trivia includes two celebrities once calling it home. Jim Morrison, of The Doors, and American Author and filmmaker, Zora Neale Hurston both, at one time or another, lived in the area.

*_{No trip to the Space Coast of Florida would be complete without a visit to the original and historic Ron Jon’s Surf Shop!}*

We’ll Be Back ☀️

Melbourne, Florida is rich with opportunities for golfing, walking, biking, shopping, dining, history, and art viewing in addition to its numerous, colorful points of interest. It is a vibrant, inviting, and accessible town in which John and I truly enjoyed spending our time. There were so many dining options, and we had a one block walk to direct access to the beach. Best of all, personally speaking, we were able to spend time with family with Melbourne as a lovely backdrop. We highly recommend this quaint town of seaside paradise and hope to travel back soon. Perhaps, we will see you there!

Until then, I wish you safe and happy travel adventures.

P.S. Special thanks to Dad and Pam for the stunning pictures from Melbourne Pier at sunset!

*_{Downtown Melbourne from Melbourne Beach Pier}*

Grapefruit Smoothie: Refreshingly, tasty nutrition on the go

Featured by stephsimply, posted in Recipes

“In 1993, Texas chose the red grapefruit as its state fruit. The red grapefruit was chosen because it was the first fruit ‘invented’ in Texas, and grapefruit trees have built more revenue than any other fruit tree in Texas!”–Wintersweetz.com

The forbidden Fruit🏝️

I was absolutely surprised to learn that the grapefruit was once named the “forbidden fruit” in the mid-1700s by a reverend searching for the identity of the original tree of good and evil from the Garden of Eden in the Caribbean Sea. Years later, that same “forbidden fruit” tree was brought to Texas by Spanish missionaries in the late 1800s and given to local farmers in the southern area of the state. Little did those Texas missionaries know that the Rio Grande Valley possessed fertile soil and subtropical weather, creating ideal growing conditions for grapefruits. Now, Texas is the third largest citrus producer in the United States, and it is especially known for its red varieties of grapefruits, such as Rio Star and Ruby Sweet.

Personally, ruby red grapefruit is one of my favorite fruits. I especially appreciate its sweet tangy flavor. Red grapefruit seems to bring my tastebuds to life with its clean, refreshing, and light taste.

It is that sweet tart taste that adds extra zing when combined with other flavor profiles in recipes. For example, spread ricotta cheese over toast, add a few slices of ruby red grapefruit, then drizzle a bit of honey over that, and you’ve got a light refreshing summer breakfast. Toss slices of grapefruit, along with walnuts, goat cheese and a few slices of roasted beets, into a salad of leafy greens with a light vinaigrette, and you’ve got a tasty lunch or light dinner. You can even make delicious light desserts and baked goods with grapefruit, such as grapefruit buttermilk muffins, grapefruit bars, or even chocolate covered grapefruit slices!

Smooth Nutrition 🍍🍌🥝

Then again, grapefruit can be added to smoothie recipes for an instant burst of flavor AND nutrition. I created the recipe I am sharing with you today during the weeks following neck surgery this past spring. Despite the fact I am fully recovered, this is one smoothie recipe that I still frequently make.

During my recovery process, I was hyper-fixated on the nutritional content of the foods to enhance healing, but I was having difficulty swallowing. Smoothies, therefore, became a go-to source of nutrition, and this recipe is uber-refreshing and jam-packed vitamin, mineral, and fiber content. Specifically, it combine the goodness of grapefruit, which is packed with vitamin C and fiber, with strawberries and one of three fruits–frozen pineapple, banana, or kiwi–depending upon what I have on hand at home.

One half of a grapefruit contains six grams of fiber and the total daily amount of vitamin C needed by our bodies. The grapefruit gets tossed into a blender with strawberries, which are also high in vitamin C and fiber as well as antioxidants, magnesium and phosphorus. Then, I take my pick of pineapple, banana, or kiwi, and pitch one of those into the blender. No matter which of the three of those fruits I choose, they are all full of potassium, fiber, and a whole slew of vitamins and minerals.

_{Light and refreshing, grapefruit smoothies are perfect for nutrition on the go!}

Blend and Go nutrition🥛

Sometimes, for a touch of sweetness, I add in a medjool date, a bit of maple syrup, or pomegranate juice as well as a bit of ginger for its antiinflammatory properties. Depending upon what I am eating that day, I may also add vanilla protein powder, which gives the smoothie a creamy, zesty-sweet taste. Once all desired ingredients are in the blender, I give it a whirl for about one minute and divide between wide-mouth mason jars or smoothie containers. And in less than five minutes, I have two refreshing, nutritionally dense smoothies. Perfect for on-the-go nutrition or a quick, healthy snack.

While grapefruit was once known as the “forbidden fruit,” there is nothing forbidden or evil about it! Grapefruit is budget friendly, full of tangy zest, and nutritional goodness for your body. I hope you’ll give this recipe a try! You just might be surprised!

*_{Zesty sweet, budget-friendly goodness, bursting with flavor AND nutrition, in less than five minutes!}*

Grapefruit Smoothie

Serves 2

Ingredients:

1 cup frozen riced cauliflower

1 large ruby red grapefruit, peeled (with some pith remaining), quartered

1 cup strawberries, fresh or frozen

1 cup pineapple, fresh or frozen (or 1 banana or 2 kiwi)

1 medjool date (or 1 teaspoon maple syrup or ¼ cup pomegranate juice) for added sweetness

¼ teaspoon ginger powder, if desired

2 cups water (or other favorite liquid)

Optional: 1-2 servings favorite protein powder

Combine ingredients in a high powered blender, adding water last.

Blend for one minute.

Divide between two large smoothie containers or jars.

Can be stored in the refrigerator for up to 3 days; shake well before drinking.

Can also be frozen for up to 3 months, set in the refrigerator overnight to thaw ahead of time.

How Gratitude Can Help Us Face Adversity with a bit more Grace

August 17, 2023August 15, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Gratitude is the antidote to fear. When we focus on what we are grateful for, fear loses its grip on us.”–Michael J. Fox

Curse those unexpected events 🤬

I can’t help but feel the irony that my most recent piece of writing centered on the topic of unexpected, terrible events that seem to break our lives’ direction, only to find myself once more experiencing another one of those frustrating events. Perhaps, Divine Providence feels I still haven’t learned enough. Then again, maybe it is all part of life’s continuous process of change and learning. Regardless, I am once more a humbled student of life.

My husband, John, and I, had just completed our first day of professional development for the 2023-2024 school year in Charleston, WV. It had been a long day, and we still needed to go vote in the Ohio special election before heading home. Facing over an hour’s drive to get to the polling location, which was not our normal precinct due to this unusual nature of this election, John and I navigated congested Charleston roads, making our way towards Interstate 64.

We stopped at a red light on WV 119 with three cars in front of us. John had just commented on the amount of traffic when, BANG! CRUNCH! SCREECH! Only seconds passed, and as the shock of suddenly being whipped quickly forward and backward began, several thoughts flashed through my head in staccato fashion.

You know from the sound, it can’t be good 🚦

What is happening? What was that sound? Is John ok? Did we just get hit? We just got our car fully repaired from a February incident when a spooked deer collided into the rear bumper and passenger side door. This. Can’t. Be. Happening.

“Are you okay?” My husband asked as the reality of his voice slapped my thoughts back to my surroundings.

I was okay. He was okay. We were both buckled, and seemingly uninjured. First point of gratitude.

There’s no Choice But surrender 😩

*_{Sometimes there’s nothing to do but surrender.}*

I could go on, but many of us have been there–that sickening moment when you have no choice but to surrender to the bad event that is happening and let go of any future thoughts and planning. There is nothing to do, but remain present in the moment at hand. It sounds simple, but it is incredibly difficult. My mind kept racing to future events, such as the evening ahead, the impact this would have on the coming days and weeks as well as the amount of time and money that would be lost as a result of this incident.

However, none of those racing thoughts would help me at that moment. Instead, I had to focus on the needs of the moment. Call 911. Check on the person who hit us. Call insurance. Retrieve our registration and insurance information.

Gratitude in the midst of chaos ✨

In the midst of the din of traffic and my galloping thoughts, I began assessing and readjusting to reality as a moment of clarity occurred. We were at the bottom of a hill. There had been three cars ahead of us at that red light. If the person who hit us had been speeding down that hill, the impact, and the numbers affected, would have been so much worse. Second point of gratitude.

The person who hit us appeared uninjured, but they were confused. This person honestly spoke to John and I as well as the police officers at the scene. They did not remember hitting us. Specifically, they did not know if they had, “fallen asleep or zoned out or what.” They were profusely confused and also sorry. This person could have lied, but they did not. Third point of gratefulness.

Traffic, along this corridor of multiple lanes and exit lanes, was heavy throughout the time our two cars (the person who hit us and ours) were pulled off to the side of the road. The August sun beat down on the blacktop; and yet, it was an unusually cool day for the time of year. While no one stopped to offer help, neither did any vehicles collide into our cars, despite the fact that the berm, onto which we were pulled over, was narrow. Fourth and fifth points of gratitude.

Emotional Rescue 🚑

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a saint at that moment, cheerily ticking off happy, grateful thoughts like petals of a daisy–not by a long shot! I wanted to cry, or even scream at the heavens, “Why us, again?” My emotions were vying to rise to the surface, but I managed to keep them in-check.

But, really, those emotions were nothing but fear. Fear of the impact on John. Fear of the unknown costs. Fear of the unknown impact on my body as I recently had surgery. Fear of losing our family car once again. Fear of the change this would cause. Even the fear of inconveniencing others to pick us up and help us get home since our car was no longer driveable.

Grace and Gratitude 🙏

However, the grace of the moment was that gratitude kept nagging me like a persistent toddler pulling on the hem of my shirt. It could have been so much worse. So many other people could have been impacted by this. We were safe and alive, how could I not be grateful?

My car was broken, but not my body. My car was taken away on a flatbed tow truck, but neither John, nor the person who hit us, or me, had to be taken away on the flatbed gurney of an ambulance. The police officers who attended to the scene were professional, courteous, and efficient. Indeed, one officer shared that our accident was their sixth car accident of the day on that stretch of road. Miraculously, not one person had been hurt in any of those fender benders. More points of gratitude.

I was able to text my daughter, Maddie, who is now a co-worker, and happened to have carpooled with a couple of other teachers to the same professional development as John and me. The three of them were able to turn around and safely pick us up. Once at Maddie’s apartment, she was able to drive John and me directly to the polling center before it closed, and then take us home, where we have two other old vehicles that we can use in a pinch. More points of gratitude.

Gratitude is a practice 😊

The rest of the day, and the days that followed, were not, nor will not, be all rainbows, kittens, and puppies. I still struggle with change. However, this real life experience offered a reminder that bad days will happen, life can change in an instant, change is ever present, and it is an illusion to think we are in control. But we can choose to practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude can help us put bad days into perspective, appreciate what we already have, quell our fears, and remind us that even though we cannot control events in our lives, we can control our attitude and find things for which to feel grateful.

Trapped in the Wax 🕯️

Attracted to the Brilliance ✨

Window shopping 🛍️

Is it enough? 🤔

Self-Reflection 🙏

Share this:

The Write Stuff ✏️

Invisible Ink ✒️

Public Health Warning ⚠️

Face-to-face, heart-to-heart💖

Our problem; Our Solution

kindness matters😎

Share this:

Sweeping ArounD 🧹

Stuck AGain 🤔

No Stopping until We Reach our Destination ✈️

Agency over Urgency🚘

Inner Tune Up 🔧

People-Centered Living 😃

Share this:

Share this:

A Light from the tunnel of times past 💡

Papaw 👴🏻

Traveling Backwards through the Tunnel of time 🔙

Purple Hazy memories 💜

Runaway Story 🏃‍♀️

A Grandfather’s Love 💖

The Abundance of his legacy ✨

Share this:

Push or pull 🚪

Those unidentified LImiting Beliefs 🤔

Coming face to face with limited Beliefs 🧐

Recognizing internalized beliefs 🤨

The case for Contemplative Practice 🙏

Share this:

Pain-handler 🔥

Accepting Limits 🛑

Self-Compassion ❣️

Wounded Healers ❤️‍🩹

The Light within 🕯️

Share this:

Space Coast 🚀

Melbourne Beach🏝️

But first, a Bit of History 📘

Melbourne, Present Day 😎

Did someone say Beach? 🏖️

Dem Bones, Ghosts, and a bit of Fame . . .

We’ll Be Back ☀️

Share this:

The forbidden Fruit🏝️

Smooth Nutrition 🍍🍌🥝

Blend and Go nutrition🥛

Share this:

Curse those unexpected events 🤬

You know from the sound, it can’t be good 🚦

There’s no Choice But surrender 😩

Gratitude in the midst of chaos ✨

Emotional Rescue 🚑

Grace and Gratitude 🙏

Gratitude is a practice 😊

Share this:

Navigation