Navigating Life’s Construction Zones: A Path to Self-Improvement

Construction is a matter of optimism; it’s a matter of facing the future with optimism.”–Cesar Pelli

A construction site on a road featuring orange traffic barrels, traffic lights indicating a red signal, and a view of green hills in the background.
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Summer Roads and Slowdowns: A Familiar Frustration 🚧

It’s the height of the summer travel season. This year, AAA projected that 61.6 million Americans will travel by car between June 28 and July 6. That’s a lot of drivers on the roads! And more likely than not, most of those drivers will encounter some sort of delays or rerouting due to construction. 

Those orange barrels, detour signs, and dusty, smoke-filled roads can wreak havoc on estimated times of arrival, impeding drivers’ progress. Traversing a construction-filled route recently, it occurred to me that just as roads need maintenance, upkeep, and improvement, our lives can also benefit from similar attention. In fact, summer road construction serves as an excellent reminder for how we, too, must assess, repair, and improve our own lives.

Like it or not, road repairs are a necessary part of travel. Winter and spring often ravage roads due to ice, snow, freeze, thaw, excessive rain and so forth.  Potholes, cracked pavement, faded lines, and broken shoulders or guardrails can reduce safety and severely damage tires, rims, alignment, suspension, and so forth. Thus, in order to function properly, roads require regular repair and upkeep. 

A woman in a pink blazer sitting at a table, looking stressed or overwhelmed while using a laptop.
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The Wear and Tear We Can’t Always See 😓

The same is true for our own lives; we, too, experience wear and tear, but it is expressed differently in each of us. Signs may include physical and/or mental fatigue, burn out, and/or incremental increase of poor habits.  Other signs might include unresolved conflict, a sense of drifting or lack of purpose; and/or for others, it could be increased feelings of anxiety, sadness, or indifference. Like potholes on a road, it is important to not ignore these symptoms and instead cultivate a sense of caring curiosity as if we were concerned for a child–only it is concern for ourself–and it begins with an honest self-assessment of our emotional, mental, physical, and even relational well-being.

A woman with red hair looks stressed while working on a laptop, resting her forehead on her hand, in a bright interior setting.
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Reading the Signs: Time for a Personal Detour ↪️

As with construction, upon reflection we might discover that many of our difficulties and discomforts created ruts, broken shoulders and cracks in our own personal life. These impediments signal that we may need to reroute our own life in order to make internal repairs. In the same way construction zones temporarily create detours, rerouted traffic, and lane shifts, personal redirection can likewise be thought of as a temporary, but necessary setback for long-term improvement. 

A person sitting on a couch, resting their chin on their hand, looking thoughtfully at a laptop with papers and a pen on the table.
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Detours with Purpose: Reframing Setbacks as Redirection ↩️

These life detours, be they physical-health and/or mental well-being crisis, a death, divorce, and so on, typically create obstacles–a change in what we think is “the plan.”  However, just as construction zones are there to repair the road, our healing, growth, and ability to move towards wholeness often begins as we experience these hurdles. Therefore, it is helpful to reframe our thinking around these life detours and obstacles as opportunities for not only healing, but also reflection, intervention, or a necessary challenge to a long-held personal perspective.

A woman sitting in a chair, looking contemplative and holding a pen near a notebook, with her hand resting on her forehead in a thoughtful manner.
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Grit, Heat, and Hard Work: The Labor of Self-Growth 🥵

Another important point to consider with regards to road construction is that the work crew must endure a wide array of weather conditions, including extreme heat and humidity that accompanies summer. A return to safe and smooth roads cannot occur without their effort, perseverance, sweat, and labor. Likewise, personal growth and/or physical healing often requires a similar level of grit. 

Whether we participate in therapy, work to improve or create beneficial habits, set clear–and perhaps new–boundaries, work to forgive, and/or learn a new skill or life lesson (or both), personal construction demands that we put in the work. Discomfort, like construction, is a necessity.  Growth and healing are not easy and rarely occur without challenge and effort.

Two women engaged in a conversation at a table in a modern office setting, with one woman wearing glasses and a blue dress, and the other facing away.
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Preventive Maintenance: Investing in Long-Term Well-Being 😃

Another important consideration to effective road repair is that maintenance should be ongoing, rather than deferred, as this can lead to greater road damage and travel hazard. By taking care of ongoing small issues as they arise, bigger problems can be prevented in the future. 

Similarly, our own “self-maintenance” is also a worthwhile investment in order to reduce the likelihood of a major life-repair. Taking time to invest in our own daily health through quality sleep, good nutrition, stress management, physical exercise, fostering healthy relationships, and even learning new things–can be thought of as small personal investments that pay dividends towards our own long term “infrastructure.”  

A woman and a man sitting on a couch engaged in a conversation, with a woman taking notes in the foreground. The room features plants and wall art.
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Building a Support Crew: Don’t Travel Alone 😁

That said, sometimes personal maintenance can sometimes feel like “one more thing to do” especially when we’re in the midst of a life-storm. Therefore, it can be helpful to cultivate a “crew,” a few good people who can share our times of smooth sailing, encourage our development and/or maintenance of positive habits, and also support us during those bumpy passage days. Ultimately, with regular self-care maintenance and a good support crew, we can cultivate a strong inner foundation that is better able to withstand life’s pressures and storms.

Black and white image of a close embrace between a woman and a child, capturing a moment of warmth and connection.
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Freshly Paved Paths: Signs of Inner Progress 🥹

One of the best parts of road construction occurs when it is finally completed. Routes are once more open, and the ease and smoothness of traveling these roads signals tangible progress. In fact, driving effortlessly over a direct route without detours, potholes, or bumps can be a liberating feeling. 

A smiling man with curly hair, laughing joyfully against a wooden background.
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Progress, Not Perfection: Life Is Always Under Construction 🦺

Unfortunately, it never lasts for long. Rainy season, freeze-thaw season, excessive travel, or 1,000 other scenarios means construction will once again occur, if not specifically on the newly refurbished route. It’s all part of the process of progress–one never attains perfection when it comes to infrastructure–there’s always room for improvement.

Equally, on the other side of our own personal repairs, detours, and/or maintenance, we gradually return to a sense of homeostasis.  Our rerouted life may possess a greater sense of clarity, restored confidence, better decision making skills, and perhaps even a deeper sense of joy. We, too, may feel the momentum to move forward in a renewed direction and embrace the possibilities that come with an unexpected, but freshly paved path.

Smiling woman wearing a cozy sweater, expressing joy and warmth.
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Final Thoughts: Be the Engineer of Your Own Journey 👷

To be sure, summer construction can seem like a real drag on travel; however, it ultimately leads to new routes, expanded systems of travel that are safer and more efficient. However, even when the summer construction season comes to an end, the maintenance of these roads does not end, and that is worth remembering.

Likewise, summer construction reminds us that we are the engineers of our own lives. No, we cannot control everything that happens to us, but we can control our reactions AND we can also make repairs as needed as well as prevent some issues from arising. Therefore, let’s be as proactive as possible through regular sustainment of our own life-construction, so that when life’s storms create a pothole–or five–we are fortified with the strength our regular maintenance and upkeep provides us. In life, as in roads, it’s about progress, not perfection. 

I’ll see you out there on the road of life!

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Embracing Darkness: The Lotus Flower’s Lesson of Hope and Resilience

“Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow.  There can be no lotus flower without mud.”–Thích Nhất Hạnh

FAcing Difficult Days 😟

How many of us have endured through difficult and murky situations?  How many more of us have observed/supported a loved one undergoing a dark and/or dire situation?  Whether it is personal suffering or suffering of a loved one, we have all either experienced or observed painfully dark days; I know I have. 

Sometimes the difficulty can create so much suffering, it feels as if a pack of wolves have hunted us down, snipped and yipped at our heels, and are now chewing away at our insides.  Sleep may no longer feel like an escape, and even if part of the difficulty causes physical pain, it is often the pain caused by our own minds and heart that can hurt the most. 

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Quotes to Get you Through 📝

There are a couple of quotes and an image I have come to appreciate over the years. They tend to come to mind when I feel knocked down by life. I think of them as a mental antidote for counteracting my fear when facing down a difficult situation.

Keep getting up no matter how many times you fall.

One quote is a Japanese proverb: “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” This saying is hope-centric, and it means a great deal to me.  It serves as a reminder that no matter how many times we make a mistake or life events knock us down, we must still find a way to get back up.  This doesn’t mean it’s easy.  Sometimes, all we can do is claw, crawl, and clatter until we find the resolve and strength to stand once more.

Rise like the sun

Another inspiring quote by Maya Angelou: “Still I rise.”  While the author writes of her oppressive and challenging experiences as a black woman, the phrase’s universal theme of resilience in the face of struggles can speak to all of us. Those three words are filled with a bold defiance in the face of suffering.

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Lotus are Adaptable 🪷

Both of those quotes culminate in the symbol of the lotus, the ultimate emblem of perseverance and tenacity. This aquatic flowering plant has been admired and a part of lore for centuries.  The more colorful lotus are tropical in nature and are most notably found in Asian countries.  However, the lotus plant is quite adaptable, and an American variation can be found along the east coast in waters ranging from Ontario, Canada to Florida. 

Lotus Persist 🌱

Because the lotus plant grows in a variety of environments, it has developed a method of ensuring its continuation. Once pollinated, the lotus releases large quantities of seeds into the environment. Many of these seeds will be eaten by aquatic life; however, the seeds, as I understand it, are quite durable.  Some lotus’ seeds can get up to 1.5 inches in size, surviving for several years, long past the life of the flower.  In fact, the seeds can persist in conditions that would prevent many other types of seeds from germinating. 

Lotus Aren’t AFraid of The Dark 🌑

Once germinated, the seeds begin sprouting in the mud, sending roots down even deeper into the muck.  Depending upon the plant and the depth of water, it can take from two weeks to two months for the plant to grow up to six feet tall through the murky water. As the round leaves reach the top of the water they can fan out in width up to 36+ inches wide. Once the plant has fully surfaced, the flower will begin to grow and ultimately bloom. 

Short life, Deeply rooted 🙏

Each American Lotus flower, with its butter yellow petals and fragrant aroma, will only last a few days, opening its petals during the day and closing the petals at night. The blossom appears to be free floating, but it remains rooted in the mud. During its short duration, the flower will bear seed pods that resemble the end of a watering can or shower head, ensuring multiple seeds from each flower will be dispersed back into its environment.

Lotuses ShaRe 🫱 🫲

Both the seeds and roots can be eaten, and parts of the plant can be used for medicinal purposes. Seeds pods can be dried and used in flower arrangement.  Additionally, due to the fact that lotus flourish easily in a variety of areas, even in the murkiest of waters, these plants provide shelter, habitat, and food for a variety of aquatic wildlife.  Each fall, however, the plants die away.

Gifts can arise from dark places

Therefore, the lotus is a prime example of the way in which gifts can rise from the darkest of places. Despite the fact the lotus is born in the mud, it rises to stand victoriously every spring.  Upon rising, its blossoms bear seeds to ensure it has a way to stand back up.

Seeds of hope, help, and healing

Beyond the fact the lotus has planned for its inevitable fall, it also offers seeds of hope and nourishment for others. Each flower produces an overabundance of seeds, many of which will settle into the mud for rebirth, but many more of those seeds will provide food for other living creatures. Additionally, those mud-buried lotus roots also provide nourishment not only to the plant itself, but can also nourish others.  Not to mention that the plant has medicinal qualities, offers shelter to others within its aquatic community, and beautifies a variety of environments.

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Lotus Life 𑁍

Let us live like the lotus flower. When we experience those dark and difficult times in our life, let us root down into the loam of our soul and allow faith to germinate a seed of hope. By rooting through the muck and into the nourishment of our faith, we can rise. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but we can rise and blossom once more.

Once on the surface, it is our job to produce good seeds of hope and help for others.  Even if our calm waters fade away and we find ourselves sinking into the inky dark once more, still we can rise.  We have done it before; we can do it again.  And with each new revival, our blooms can continue to offer more gifts to the world.  No matter how darkly rooted our past or present was/is, no matter the number of times it occurs, we can stand up, we can rise, we can bloom, and we can embody the lotus, offering shelter, nourishment, and healing hope to others. 

Grief and Love–one story of surviving the loss

A picture created by one of my former Kindergarten students depicting what they believed was their former classmate’s ascent into heaven. The rainbow is what the heavenly friend is sending back to the friend still who is still alive. (Post-it notes are covering names.)

A story revisited 🥺

It was a spring day with wide cerulean skies and clouds of cotton puffs as I stepped out of my vehicle, as per usual, when I saw the employee approaching with my curbside grocery order.  I am a regular customer, so I tend to know the names and faces of the usual employees, but she was new to me.  Therefore, I was surprised when she asked if I was a teacher. I smiled, and said that I was. I could have never predicted what she would next say.

As she talked, there it was.  The wound, which I thought had healed, was painfully stabbed open. It is an unfortunate story, centering on a young family, a classroom of five-year-olds, their parents, and me–bound together by a loss too surreal to be true– yet it was. 

 She said she attended the funeral and saw me, and she added that she related to the family. Additionally, she added that all her kids attended that same school in which I once taught, now nearly 20 years later. As what appeared to be an after-thought she added, “You was a good teacher.” 

I asked about the surviving family and the sibling, who was only a baby at the time of the event.  The sibling, she reported, was now studying at a university.  This bit of information buoyed my spirit.  

Another picture drawn by another student depicting their deceased friend, holding hands with God and Jesus.

An event that forever changed me 😨

With over three and half decades in education, I can look back at certain points in my career and identify pivotal moments that forever changed me.  This loss of a five-year-old student was probably one of the most defining moments in my career. It sent me spiraling into a deep darkness for which I believed I should keep hidden from the world because it was my face those cherished students and their parents looked to for strength and stability–or at least that is how I perceived the situation at the time.  

On the inside, I was crumbling, questioning everything my faith had taught me.  Angry at that the Universe would allow such a senseless death, and angry at myself for what felt like was my “butterfly-effect” that seemingly set the wheels in motion for this tragedy.  Emotions, which I now know, can override logic during unexpected loss.

Outwardly for the world, I did the best I could, but none of my training had prepared me. While there were times, I felt led from within by a Source greater than myself. Other times, I felt I was driving a car without headlights after a severe storm, stumbling and bumping up against one roadblock after another.  

Another drawing depicting a student holding hands with the deceased classmate, adding that they missed their friend. (Names are covered with post-it notes.)

Days of Mourning 😢

There were countless days when my students would just cry, and so I let them, allowing their tears to express what they could not put into words.  I hugged them often, and permitted/encouraged them to express their feelings in a safe and productive ways.  They drew pictures, decorated their former classmates’ seat, and took turns holding and talking to a bear that had been built for them to help process their grief.

Some students, who weren’t as verbal as others, became noticeably aggressive as they moved through stages of grief.  This required much patience and tolerance.  While I understood they needed to get out their anger as they were not developmentally old enough to understand death, I could not let them harm other students.  Therefore, I had to come up with creative outlets for their feelings, such as allowing them to be the official “wrecking ball” if someone wanted their block creation knocked over or the official “paper shredder” of messed-up papers.

A “story” written by a student describing what happened when the student took home the grief therapy bear.

Sometimes, Life isn’t fair 😩

Thinking back to that tragedy, I wish I could go back to my younger self and say, “You’re doing ok,” in the same way I would have said to my students at the time.  Instead, I spent much time questioning what more I should be doing.  And, each night, when I went home to my own beloved daughter the exact same age, I felt simultaneously grateful and guilty.  Why did I get to keep my child, but someone else didn’t?  It wasn’t fair.

Another student’s experience with the grief therapy bear.

Nearly 20 years later . . .⏳

Now, nearly 20 years later, life continues to march on at a breathtaking pace. Those students are now in their 25th year of life.  They are all, I hope, making their way into their independence, exploring the edges of the kind of responsible adult they want to evolve into.  I pray they will each find their own version of success, however they define it. 

I especially hope the child’s family is well.  They were dealt a tragic blow for which I have no explanation.  I am certain it has not been easy for them, but I pray their hearts continue to mend to the degree possible. Most of all, I wish them peace.

Another drawing of expressing their feelings about their departed friend. (Name is covered by post-it notes.)

Does time Really heal? ❤️‍🩹

They say time heals all wounds, but I am not sure.  The wounds may heal, but the scar still remains.  Like all scars, they fade with the passing of time, but those scars remain as a reminder of who we once were.

 Once there was a young family of four, until suddenly there were three.  Once I was a kindergarten teacher with 15 students, and, in the blink of an eye, there were 14.  I wish I knew why, but that is not for me to understand.  Instead, I will forever be haunted by what more I could have done. 

Another student’s experience with the grief therapy bear.

Looking back on the love 💜

Nonetheless, looking back now, what I most recall is the love.  Love for the departed student, love for the other students of that class, and deep abiding appreciation for those students’ parents who unconditionally supported me and guided their children tirelessly through what had to be one of the darkest periods in their young and tender lives.

Their is beauty in life, even if short lived 🌸

On the day of writing this, I went for a run in a park.  It was early spring, and the air held the promise of warmer days.  All around me the wind blew off the white petals of flowering trees, and the petals danced around me like snowflakes, graceful on the currents of air.  I realized, the flowers will soon be replaced by the green leaves, and the cycle of life will continue through the seasons.  However, in that moment, I could not help but feel those petals were a heavenly reminder of the beauty that is possible in life–even if for only a short time.

Musician and writer, Nick Cave, is said to have written in a letter, “Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.”  I couldn’t agree more.  

Another piece of artwork expressing the joy of friendship in spite of the loss. (Names covered with post-it notes.)
Another student’s experience with the bear.