Finding Inner Peace Amidst Chaos

“Better to keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.”–George Bernard Shaw

Photo by thevibrantmachine on Pexels.com

Anxiety provoking 😬

Over the past weeks, I find I am feeling increasingly anxious as I read or listen to the news and/or various social media platforms. There are world events with real human and environmental consequences that worry me. Children are dying from injury and/or starvation in numerous parts of the world.  Plus, the current political climate in our own country is so vitriolic and divisive, it can tie my stomach in knots if I listen or read about it for too long. 

A few days ago, I was leaving work after an especially long day.  Ready to shake off the day, I unloaded my daily work wares into the back of the vehicle, and hopped in the driver seat ready to get home and shake the dust of the day off.  I started the vehicle, and the radio automatically came on.  

Photo by Sindre Fs on Pexels.com

We have a choice 🙉

By word of explanation, I had been listening to a book on the way to school, but because the bluetooth had not yet connected, the radio, set to one of the local public radio stations, automatically defaulted on. Since it was between 5:00 and 6:00 pm, the news was on.  And while NPR is fortunately not one of the news outlets that seems to shout out every headline, it was in the middle of a story that, as my ears focused, began to make me feel worried, and I could once more feel my insides churning. 

I continued listening for a bit more as I headed out of town, but found myself increasingly feeling more anxious.  Suddenly, it occurred to me. I had a choice.  I didn’t have to listen. So, I turned not only the news off, but the entire media system in my vehicle, rolled my window slightly down, and allowed the fresh air to filter in. 

Photo by Aleksandar Andreev on Pexels.com

Connect to Your Breath 😮‍💨

Then, while I drove the rest of the way home, I took time to connect to my breath and to that still, inner voice. 

Inhale. Exhale. Release the jaw. 

Inhale. Longer exhale. Relax the shoulders down and release the grip in my gut. 

Long slow inhale, fill my lungs with fresh air flowing through the window. Pause. 

Then, a longer, relaxed exhale. Loosen the grip on the steering wheel and relax

 the lower body. 

I continued driving like this, using my breath as an aid to continue to relax other parts of my body that I had been unconsciously gripping tightly as the day progressed. I would not have noticed how tightly wound my body was if I had continued listening to the news.

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Connect to Gratitude 🙏

Once I felt a bit more relaxed, I tried to list, in my mind’s eye, five things for which I was grateful. Nothing could be too small, such as, feeling grateful because I had not forgotten my lunch on that day as I had forgotten it on the same day the previous week. But, even more so, I was also grateful for my health, my family, my home, and so on  . . . With each point of gratitude, I took time to pull that image up in my mind and genuinely reflect on at least one particular point of joy each one brought to my life.

Now, I will be honest, there were a few times when I lost my focus due to other drivers, deer crossing the road, or other random distractions.  If I found myself lost in thought, I brought my inner attention back to my breath first, and then back to points of gratitude.  

As I drove closer to home, I mindfully began to release concerns for which I could not control. I prayed for them, but ultimately, released my worries to God. I decided to trust and have faith that my concerns will ultimately work out for the best in ways I could not see or perhaps understand. It did not mean I was dismissing the issues that concern me–I was not.  Instead, I was releasing my stress over them because my anxiety would/will not affect their outcome.

Photo by Stanislav Kondratiev on Pexels.com

Shutting out the winds 🪟

Years ago, I read a story about a monk who had been writing a book.  This was the time period prior to computers, when one would alternate between handwriting manuscripts and typing the final drafts. This monk decided he needed to take a break from writing and went out for fresh air and a walk. 

He left open the windows of the small cottage in which he lived. And as he walked, the weather began to shift, and the wind began to pick up.  When he arrived home, an hour or so later, all of his neatly stacked papers for the book had been tossed about within the house. In order to tidy up the inside of his cottage and reorganize the manuscript, the monk had to close all of his windows to keep out the changing weather.

This story simply illustrates the point that sometimes, if we are consuming too much news, social media, family/friend drama, and so forth, our inner world suffers.  Like the monk’s cottage, the winds of life can toss our inner peace about.  Therefore, it is worth remembering we have a choice. We can choose to take time to shut out, turn off, or let go of the outside world/drama, so that we can turn inwardly, and focus on “tidying-up” the worry/concern/ anxiety inside of us.  

Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

It’s not always “breaking News,” so set boundaries 📰

We don’t have to read/listen/scroll through/watch the news and social media at regular intervals throughout the day.  We can take breaks from all of it. In fact, we are not of any benefit to ourselves, much less others, if we aren’t settled and at peace on the inside.  Thus, taking time to connect with your breath and that small, still inner voice can strengthen and renew you, filling you with a sense of calm/peace in order to help others and/or take on challenges.

While we don’t want to completely shut off the world and hide our light, we do have a choice as to where, when, and how much we participate.  Setting boundaries and/or taking breaks from what and how we choose to consume social media and news is within our power, and it doesn’t mean we are absconding from our civic or social responsibility to the world around us. 

Shine your Light 🕯️

If we hope to shine our light and engage in meaningful ways that can contribute to the betterment of our family, friends, community, and even world to the degree possible, we must also take time to close the proverbial outside windows and tend to our own inner world.  After all, even a candle must be protected from the wind in order to burn. 

Finding Stillness at Charlton Lake Camp: A Reflection

“Only in quiet waters things mirror themselves undistorted. Only in a quiet mind is adequate perception of the world.”–Hans Marggolius

The view through the screened in porch overlooking Whitefish River a throughway to Charlton Lake, Frood Lake, and Cranberry Lake.

Still Waters 🏞️

I sat observing the waters of the Whitefish River flowing toward stillness–moving from one lake to the next, but in a relaxed state of flow that most often seemed to occur in the early morning or late evening.  Occasionally, something would break the surface, and rings would begin spreading outward from the epicenter. When this would happen, I often caught myself holding my breath in anticipation until the last ring dissipated, and the water was once more placid.  Then, with the stillness restored, I resumed my own cadence of breathing slow and steady, matching the river’s pulse.

The peaceful, craggy rise of quartzite rise of the ancient La Cloche Mountains surrounding the lakes.

Lake Charlton Camp 🏕️

My husband, John, and I were staying in Charlton Lake Camp (CLC) located in Killarney Provincial Park, Willisville, Ontario. This was our second trip to CLC, situated in a natural showcase of diverse pines, surrounded by the white quartzite crests of the La Cloche Mountains and translucent, tea-stained waters of Charlton Lake, Frood Lake, and Cranberry Lake with the Whitefish River providing a throughway to the lakes. In the morning, CLC was filled with a wilderness chorus of birdsong, loon calls, bull frogs, lapping sounds of water against rocky shores, and, of course, the buzzing hum of countless varieties of insects. 

The cabin in which we stayed at Lake Charlton Camp is just beyond the steps that lead to the dock.

Settling into Quiet 🤫

Breathing in deeply, my lungs filled with the aromatic aromas of pines, damp soil, sunned rock, and a hint of morning coffee as I continued to sit and observe, communing with my surroundings. The sun would soon begin lifting above the craggy cliffs behind the cabin in which we stayed, and life would soon begin stirring with those gleaming rays. But, in that moment, hovering between the hush of night and the dawn of daybreak, there was a stillness in which my heart was soft and open–receptive to that still small voice that resides within.

Boating through Frood Lake with the La Cloche Mountains in the foreground.

Slipping into the Gap of peacefulness 😌

I once read that praying is talking to the Divine Creator; whereas, meditation is stilling the mind for the purpose of listening.  Sitting there on that screened porch on the cusp of a new day, I was reminded of that idea.  My heart, head, and soul had relaxed enough to hear the truth–to really parse the ongoing narratives that, when left unchecked, my brain tends to repeat on an endless loop. By settling into the surrounding peacefulness, I could focus on listening, and begin to see how many of those narratives were (and are) often baseless claims forged by past experiences, trauma, anxiety, negative self-talk/criticism, and even a little fear. 

Sitting, breathing calmly, and savoring CLC’s peaceful surroundings through my senses, I found I could let my mind rest easily as if the wheel of ceaseless chatter had ground to stop, or at the very least, slowed its revolution. Taking in a deep breath of the clean, wilderness air, I softened my gaze on the water and continued listening. 

Afternoon sun glistens off the calm waters of Frood Lake.

Riding the waves of emotional influence🌊

Matching my inner calmness to the stillness of the river led me to a realization. My own mind often mirrors those waters of CLC. My mind tends to be at its calmest in the early morning or at night–just before drifting off to sleep, letting go of the day’s worries.  However, once the day fully begins, I am immersed in work and various tasks with multiple decisions being made throughout the day.  As my decision making increases, my judging brain kicks into high gear.  With that continued judgment comes an inner dialogue often influenced and affected by emotions, which rise and fall throughout the day much like the water around me did during the week.

Throughout our time fishing, resting, and relaxing in CLC, I observed how the river and surrounding lakes could quickly become stirred up, rising and falling with the winds of the day, tossed about with a changing weather front, or even fill with large waves when an occasional boat sped across the waters to the farthest end of a lake. There were additional times, when for no discernable reason, the waters would suddenly ascend and descend, jostling the boat John and I were in. 

Riding out the waves of emotions can be similar to navigating a fishing boat over wave-filled waters.

Restless emotions 😬

Fishing during those moments of restless waters and winds was challenging.  The wind would take hold of a perfectly thrown cast and carry the line and lure in a completely different direction than intended. Likewise, when the waters were lifting and dipping with waves, the view beneath the waters was clouded and murky–not allowing the eye to determine if the boat was above rocks, a weed bed, a submerged tree, or any other number of possibilities. Conversely, during the moments of calm, settled waters, navigating and fishing those waters was fairly easy and what was beneath the boat was clearly visible.  

Looking out at the peaceful waters of Whitefish River through the screened porch.

The influence of a RAcing Mind 🤯

The riverview before me, in that early morning hour, was emblematic not only of ideal fishing waters, but also a peaceful state of mind.  Unfortunately, our modern world tends to create and drive the opposite effect–a constant flurry of stirred-up waters–our minds fidgety and/or frantic, racing from one thought to another, moving through agendas of busyness, entertainment, and avoidance. Therefore, if we don’t set aside time to allow our minds an opportunity to cease its chatter and rest easy, how can we ever feel calm and think clearly?

Settle into into the stillness.

The importance of intentional Quiet 🤫

Our inner dialogue is often affected by the changing weather of our emotions.  Those emotions vacillate and shift with each decision we make and with each event we encounter.  And while I fully admit that mind chatter, and all of the emotions that come with it, cannot necessarily be avoided, in similar manner to the weather fronts we experienced during my time at CLC, our emotions can vastly change within the course of a day, much less a week. Therefore, deliberately providing pockets of time for stillness allows us to detach from the emotional narratives, and instead, fosters listening to that still, small voice of knowing, which allows us to, well, “fish” for the truth.

Listen for the whisper of our Creator, the great I AM.

LeT us Listen for the whisper 👂

Ralph Waldo Emerson once penned, “Let us be silent, that we may hear the whisper of God.” What a powerful reminder of the importance of settling the mind, like the still waters that were before me on that morning at Charlton Lake Camp. The type of quiet we choose can be a formal meditation/reflection, but it could also be achieved through walking or other forms of exercise, tending to your flowers/plants, or simply sitting on the porch sipping coffee or tea and listening to the birds. It really doesn’t matter as long as it is an intentional moment set aside to calm those mental waters of ceaselessly, flowing chatter. Prioritizing time for quiet reflection or meditation, however you define it, allows the flow of our hearts and minds to settle, soften, and encounter the “whisper of God.” 

Willisville, Ontario

Get More Grounded: The Benefits and Lesson of Tree Pose

“Be like a tree. Stay grounded. Connect with your roots.  Turn over a new leaf. Bend before you break.  Enjoy your unique natural beauty. Keep growing.”–Joanne Raptis

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

The magic of Tree Pose 🌳

“Trees sway; get more grounded,” my husband chimed along with the yoga instructor on the DVD as we attempted tree pose on a Monday morning before work, the classic yoga balancing pose that requires standing on one leg. 

I appreciate tree pose for many reasons. It strengthens feet, spine, ankles, legs, and core.  Further, it opens the hip area, stretches the inner thigh and groin muscles.  Plus, it can improve one’s concentration and focus while simultaneously improving alignment of spine and posture.  Most of all, it is a pose of balance, which can help in a multitude of ways. 

Symbolically, tree pose serves up several lessons. However, one of the more literal lessons of tree pose is that of remaining in the present moment.  It’s nearly impossible to balance in tree pose and think into the future or reflect on the past because you end up falling out of the pose. I was reminded of those lessons this past Tuesday, or as I have come to know it as, “Twister (or Tornado) Tuesday.” 

Photo by Ralph W. lambrecht on Pexels.com

Shelter in Place 🌪️

As a veteran educator, I have experienced a wide-array of events, including those that require shelter-in-place. In fact, I can still recall the first time I experienced shelter-in-place with students 30+ years ago.  I was teaching in a mobile unit at a great distance from the main brick and mortar school building. The students under my care ranged from 5-12 years of age, and they had been identified as “severe behavior handicapped.”  

There were twelve students, ten boys and two girls.  Since this was the early 1990s, computers and cell phones were not widely available in the classroom setting. This classroom had an intercom type “phone” that only connected from the school office to the classroom.  It was through this “phone” that I received the message that the entire school was sheltering in place in the hallways.  The school received a call that a tornado had touched down in another part of the county and was heading our way. I was to gather my twelve, not-always-so-compliant students, and move them to the main building as quickly as possible.

By the time I received the “call,” a heavy metal concert of rain and wind had already begun, drumming and shaking the metal building rhymically with tantruming, angry torrents of sideways rain.  Quickly, the paraprofessionals and I helped the students into their school-issued red rain parkas, and that is when the resistance began.

“I am not going out in that rain.”

“I don’t like getting wet.”

“No, I won’t!”

“I’m scared!”

Whether it was the determined, I-am-not-kidding look in my eyes, Divine intervention, or a combination of both, the paraprofessionals and I miraculously gathered all of them in a line.  Holding hands as one unit, we began fighting our way through the class door that kept trying to swallow us back inside due to the enraged winds. Once outside, raindrops pelted any exposed skin, including the students’ face and heads as their hoods were immediately blown off.  We fought our way to the safety of the school while the passion of the rain and winds seemed to increase and determinedly tried to shove us backwards. 

By the time we made it to the school, none of us were dry as the pernicious storm found a way to penetrate even the sturdiest of rain coats.  Quickly, we hustled the students to the primary wing of the school, finding a piece of wall away from windows where they could drop to their knees and cover their heads, rivulets of water streaming over all of us, while adrenalin continued to accelerate my heart rate.

Photo by monicore on Pexels.com

Twister Tuesday 🪟

This memory bolted through my mind on “Twister Tuesday” as my classroom, and the surrounding classrooms, were filled with the strident sound of the emergency broadcast system sending an urgent message to seek shelter immediately. Our middle school classrooms are located on the top floor of our school building, and the entire middle school was directed to make their way to the first floor as quickly as possible. In order to do that, we had to run down three flights of stairs in a glass-lined stairwell. As we headed down, the irate storm quickly made its presence known.  Like Lyssa, a figure in Greek mythology who is said to drive others mad, the storm insanely clambered and clawed at the windows demanding to get inside, but meeting a wall of resistance.

Once downstairs, it was hot, crowded, and overripe with the odor of sweaty, nervous bodies as we sheltered in place away from doors and windows alongside first and second graders as well as preschoolers from the two- and three- year old classes. At times, there were crescendos of anxious voices of students–or, in the case of some of the little ones–crying. During other moments, there were a few older students who experienced panic attacks, but there were many more who remained calm.  There were even those selfless students who chose to hold, cuddle, and comfort younger preschoolers, focusing on the needs of others, rather than themselves.

Middle school students caring for the needs of preschoolers during a shelter in place scenario.

And if you Fall . . . Pick yourself 🆙

As I walked among the students, checking on them, assuring some, answering questions of others, my mind echoed with the words from the previous day, “Trees sway; get more grounded.”  And so, I ground down into my faith.  If the students and staff of my previous school survived that former storm way back in the 90s, surely we would survive this one too.  My emotions could sway like the tree on the inside, but the more I swayed, the more I reminded myself to ground down and try to remain balanced in the present moment in order to better focus on those around me.  

It wasn’t easy, and I wasn’t perfect.  But here’s the thing about tree pose. It’s a great way to practice falling. If you fall out of tree pose, you pick yourself up, and try to return to the pose once more.  

Like my beloved tree-pose, Twister Tuesday provided another stretch and realignment personally and professionally as well as to my faith. It challenged my focus and concentration in order to remain balanced.  And when I “fell,” forgetting to remain focused on the present moment, all I had to do was “pick myself up” and try to return to it once more. Most of all, that Tuesday served as a powerful reminder of the power of the True Source dwelling within and around us, always available to keep us grounded. 

Another middle school student getting grounded in the present moment of another’s need.

Always wanting more? Try looking inward instead

Photo by Jensen R on Pexels.com

“Things are just that–things.  They don’t make us who we are.  They make us look better on the outside, even when we’re hollow on the inside.  They’re an illusion–the shiny objects that distract us from the really important things.”–Chelle Bliss 

Trapped in the Wax 🕯️

  The day had been cool and cloudy, and I had come home with a bit of fresh produce, including a variety of fruit.  Given the weather, I thought it seemed like the perfect time to light the fragrant candle, a gift from a student.  I did not think about the fact that fresh fruit, during certain times of the year, is often accompanied by tiny little flying insects.

There they were, though, tiny bugs trapped in the melted wax because they had been drawn to the light of the candle.  Their attraction to shiny things had caused their demise in the end.  I wonder what they sensed the candle light could offer them–if they felt the candle’s sparkling flame would somehow improve their lives.  

Did those bugs confuse the candlelight with sunlight or moonlight?  Did they think it would help them navigate through the otherwise overcast day?  Perhaps, those pests confused the candlelight with bright flowers that nourish insects with nectar?  Were they trying to escape some unseen predator and sense that the bright light would blind their predator from seeing them.  Then again, maybe they were the predators looking for a meal, or were they looking for a suitable mate?  

They were so attracted to the flames, they lost their way and became stuck in the melted wax.

Attracted to the Brilliance ✨

Even science doesn’t seem to know the exact reasons bugs are drawn to light, and it made me wonder why humans, likewise, are drawn to shiny things?  Big vehicles, the bigger and shinier the better.  Large homes filled with sparkling appliances, a multitude of large screens, and a variety of other collections, depending upon a person’s interests and means. Closets gorged on a feast of clothes and shoes. Not to mention the cultural attitude about prosperity: those with means have been “blessed.” (I’m not sure what that means for the rest of us.) 

Then there is the shininess of beauty, youth, and attractiveness, especially since our culture tends to place more value on the looks of youth over the experience and wisdom that comes with aging. Cosmetic injections, surgeries, and implants to change looks and/or stave off aging, no matter your gender.  Your face should be blemish-free–no saggy eyes, no droopy chin, and while a few laugh lines are acceptable on men, wrinkles are not so appealing on women. 

Photo by Jack Sparrow on Pexels.com

Window shopping 🛍️

We are attracted to the nectar of status, wealth, and beauty, and yet we are often as trapped as those insects, feeling as if what we have of it is not enough.  This drives us into a perpetual cycle of needing more things, needing more investments, needing more dressings to make us look shiny to others. We are window shopping the lives of others to see if our own shop window is as appealing and competitive-looking as our peers.

Do we, like insects, confuse the brilliance of status and/or youthful beauty with the light of inner peace that can help shine a path through life?  Do we sense that when times get overcast, the more things we have, the better able we will be to find our way through dark times?  Could our obsession with window dressings come from our own insatiable, ego-driven hunger?  Perhaps, we have an unspoken belief that we can protect ourselves from bad things happening to us if we attain a certain income status.  Then again, maybe these objects make us feel/seem more attractive to others, in the hope of luring some attention.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Is it enough? 🤔

While I recognize that the words I write sound hyper-critical, please know that I am asking these same questions of myself.  Should I do more to “improve” my looks? Is my career enough at this point in my life? Afterall, I am choosing to remain an educator, rather than administrator, because I still find intrinsic value in what I do, even though it doesn’t have the same monetary value? 

My husband and I have a home, and it may not be the best.  But, it is dry, safe, and warm.  We have food on the table, and we certainly have clothes–albeit not necessarily the most up-to-date styles. At the end of my life, I often remind myself, I can’t take any of it with me.  Nonetheless, I also know I must save for those end-of-life years, for which I hope/think we are doing enough, but is it?  

Why do I sometimes feel I am not doing enough? Why do I feel like I should do more? Am I trapped in the wax of envy?  Am I trapped in the wax of our cultural beliefs of worth and value? Am I the only one with these questions/feelings? I don’t think so.

Photo by Arthur Brognoli on Pexels.com

Self-Reflection 🙏

I’ve concluded that it is only through self-reflection, contemplation, and meditative prayer that the answers are found.  What is right for me, may not be right for others.  By examining our attachments, we can begin to ask ourselves what things/what part of our lives are bringing us true fulfillment, and which are merely fueling our ego?  When we look deeply, we see that many, if not most of our things, paint an illusion of happiness for us.  

Much of what we have externally is impermanent.  Even our relationships, as much as we value them–have a limited time.  Therefore, through introspection, we can perhaps see the importance of living more fully in the present moment, completing our responsibilities without attaching to specific outcomes (because we really aren’t in as much control as we think we are) and surrendering the outcomes of our efforts to a higher power. 

By shifting our focus more frequently to our internal world, we can begin to detach more from our external trappings. Then, we can learn to dampen the sounds of our ego’s attachments to societal values, and discover richness and fulfillment that comes from fostering our own spiritual growth and the expanding sense of peace that comes with it. The more we shift to an internal focus, the less trapped we feel, and the more we can enjoy and appreciate this gift of living. 

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com