Simple Observations and Musings – Page 8

Teachers Matter: Welcome to the Next Generation of Educators

May 11, 2023May 10, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“So enter that daily thou mayest grow in knowledge, wisdom, and love.” –Alumni Gateway, Ohio University, entrance view.

May 2017. Upon high school graduation, like many, my daughter, Madelyn (Maddie), thought she had an idea regarding the direction of her adult path. However, once immersed in the pursuit of this path, biochemistry/chemistry, despite excelling at it, she was miserable. Midway through her undergraduate studies, after much reflection, discussion, and contemplation, Maddie bravely decided to pivot.

Her decision to change course was not a simple one. And while I do not want to speak for Maddie’s experience during this process, I do recall her stating that the one class that truly brought her joy during her first two years of undergraduate work was an art course. Art was her minor, but in the decision to switch, art became her major, and biochemistry/chemistry became her minor.

Like all change, there was some catching up to do and several adjustments, especially since she switched locations of study. Then COVID, and the ensuing pandemic, hit, impeding progress as the railways of education greatly slowed in an attempt to switch tracks. This meant virtually navigating coursework meant to be completed in an art studio.

As the pandemic’s impact grew, the staggering blow of life-interrupted affected all, especially those between 18-25 years. Daily living went upside down and sideways for this age group as the so-called normal way of interacting and connecting with friends, family, and mentors was often lost during times of isolation. Even as restrictions gradually eased, those last two years of undergraduate study, while simultaneously working part-time, were not the typical college-age experiences for Maddie and her peers.

In the shadow of the COVID cloud, Maddie was also reflecting, examining, and embracing a greater understanding of herself to best determine what her next steps into adulthood would look like. Again, I cannot speak to her internal experience, but from the outside, her contemplation process appeared deep, honest, and, at times, painful. I wanted to help ease the discomfort of this transitional process, but as with any metamorphosis, only the person within the cocoon can undergo the change.

*Beside a bright green cap, you will see Madelyn looking up at us with a glowing face of p*ride.

May 2023. John, my husband, and I waited as the candidates for Doctoral and Master’s degrees from Ohio University, our alma mater, made their way into the Convocation Center. It was a long procession with Patton College of Education entering as the next-to-last school of candidates. Finally, we spied Maddie with a smile for miles, waving at us, face glowing with pride. She had not only emerged victorious from the cocoon of young adult transition, but also, she had successfully earned a Master of Education degree during this transformation and appeared ready to take flight. I hoped that like a sponge, she soaked up all the joy, hope, and satisfaction relegated to such a momentous occasion.

Celebratory milestone moments of life are few and far between. These cherished junctures of life mark a moment in time when one can say, “I did it. I put in the work.” Or, as Maddie likes to say, “Nevertheless, she persisted.” And persist, she did.

And so, as John and I sat there, tears frequently slipping out of our eyes, I reflected over the ways in which this moment could potentially impact her life. You see, our daughter is now a fourth generation educator, the ninth teacher of our collective families. Education is not an easy career, and often the rewards are not, per se, tangible–at least if you measure monetarily. Instead, the rewards are more intrinsic. It is a calling to go forth and make a difference in the lives of others.

It struck John and me that these hundreds of candidates, no matter their field, present in full regalia, were there, in part due to their past teachers. In fact, though teachers are often at the bottom of the pay scale, there isn’t a single adult, or child over the age of five, whose lives have not been impacted by a teacher. As with any field, there are always going to be some bad apples, but the dynamic teacher, the teacher who cares, who is passionate about his or her students and subject matter can truly make a difference, and, in some cases, be transformational. Call me biased, but there is not a doubt in my mind that Maddie will be the latter.

I have often shared a story about my Papaw. He once pulled me aside and said, “Stethie,” (that is how he said Stephie), “Your ol’ Papaw only got a 5th grade education.”

Papaw then spoke proudly of his sister who had gone to college, earned her degree, and went on to become a teacher.

“Don’t be dumb like your ol’ Papaw. Get your education. Go as far as you can with it.”

He went on to encourage me to be a teacher, like his sister, and later, his daughter, my mother.

“There’s no greater job.”

*Papaw and me when I was around two years old in his backyard in front of his garden.*

Little did he know that I would not only go on to become a teacher, but also marry an educator who was from a family of teachers. Therefore, I can only imagine the smile on Papaw’s heavenly face, knowing his belief about education still inspires and motivates today.

This story will be published in May on the final day of National Teacher Appreciation Week. Numerous colleges and universities will be graduating more educators around this same time period, but the fact remains that the long-standing shortage of teachers that has been increasing since before the pandemic, will continue to grow. In fact, according to the Economic Policy Institute, this is not a result of the number of qualified candidates as much as it is the working conditions and lack of compensation.

I am hopeful this will change for my daughter and her educational peers, but I am often discouraged by current political culture and societal trends, especially with regards to the importance of education. Nonetheless, Madelyn comes from a long line of people who knew, know, and believe(d) in the merit of quality education and the impact of a positive teacher. My prayer is that she, along with the newest class of teachers entering the field, will proudly stand on the shoulders of those who came before them, and bless this world and its children, with their many gifts in even greater and more innovative ways than their predecessors could have ever dreamed.

“So depart that daily thou mayest better serve thy fellow man, thy country, and thy God.”–Alumni Gateway, Ohio University, exit view.

Sawubona: How this one word could change the world

May 4, 2023May 6, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Every individual matters. Every individual has a role to play. Every individual makes a difference.”–Jane Goodall

Listening to a podcast recently, a word piqued my curiosity. Sawubona. The speaker stated that this term had a moment of notoriety in the 1990s in the business world based upon a book written to encourage companies to solve group problems through various systems of learning. This may explain why I never heard of it up until now as I was, and still am, in the field of education as opposed to business.

As I understand it, at its most basic level, it is a Zulu expression of greeting, another way of saying “hello.” However, as heard in the podcast, and confirmed in later reading, its meaning is far from a common greeting.

Depending upon the source read, Sawubona, means “I see you,” or “We see you.” In response–again, depending upon the source–the other person greets, “Yebo, Sawubona,” (Yes, I/we see you too), or “Shiboka” (I exist for you). Regardless, it is the seeing of the other person and acknowledgement of existing to help the other, that most stood out to me.

Quite often, in our morning rush, our greetings and responses are typically short, polite, and given with a smile as we promptly move on to our work and/or day at hand. Certainly, there are occasions when we pause long enough to ask about a specific event or person, but as our schedule often demands, we listen, long enough to be polite before moving quickly on, without really looking.

I know I do this, and I feel fairly certain that I am not the only one. Therefore, I do not want the thesis of this piece to be interpreted as finger wagging or shaming. Instead, I hope to provoke some thought regarding the importance of seeing our shared humanity in one another and existing in a state of respect –even if we don’t see eye-to-eye with everyone with whom we meet.

Respect, according to Merriam-Webster, is derived from the Latin root, respectus, which means, looking back (at), refuge, regard, and consideration. The beauty, to me, of Sawubona is in the underlying message of regard for the other person. I SEE you is such a powerful acknowledgement. It is a way of communicating that I SEE (regard/consider) your uniqueness, your talents, and your gifts, no matter the differences we may have.

I once heard a story of a farmer who espoused hate towards a certain political figure. As it turned out, the politician asked to visit the farmer for a conversation. The farmer told the politician’s team that he felt reluctant for the politician’s visit because the farmer espoused a certain faith, and given the public servant’s political status, the farmer assumed the politician could not possibly have a faith affiliation. Nevertheless, a meeting was arranged, and the two men of opposing sides walked the farmer’s land together as the farmer talked and shared his concerns about his way of living. The political figure looked and listened.

Later, as the conversation progressed, the two men ended up in the farmer’s house, drinking coffee and learning more about one another. When the farmer realized that he, indeed, shared the same faith practices as the politician, he called a few of his friends to join in the conversation. As the story goes, upon the politician’s departure, the two men shook hands, but the farmer made it clear that he still would not vote for this political figure. However, he added that he was surprised to learn the two of them had more in common than he realized. He further invited the politician to return to his home at a later date, so that they could continue their conversation.

Some might ask what is the point of the story if the farmer was not convinced to vote for the politician. Instead, I think it makes a case for the idea of Sawubona. Two men, on opposite sides of the political fence, spending time with one another, asking questions, listening, learning, and finding some common ground in their shared human experience is a way of conveying consideration or regard for one another. They didn’t have to agree on all points in order to respectfully get along. In fact, as it turned out, the politician would later reach out to the same farmer when certain legislation was being considered that would have affected the farmer and his community in order to gain a greater understanding of the potential impact.

Reflecting on Sawubona is a lesson of seeing others and being seen by others. It is understanding that we do exist together for one another. We may have our differences, but it is those collective differences that can create a community of support. Each individual has their own gifts and talents that we bring to the proverbial community table. And, thank heavens, because there are so many skill sets of others upon which I rely in order to live, work, and participate in many other daily activities.

When we truly take time to see others, we can see the common struggles, celebrations, and life experiences. We can feel compassion for another’s suffering, and we can feel the joy of their milestone celebrations. Furthermore, we can appreciate the gifts and talents of others, even those with whom we may disagree on certain subjects.

In the end, I am not suggesting that the idea behind Sawubona is easy. Instead, I encourage us to think of Sawubona as a practice. A practice in which we take time to look others in the eye more frequently when greeting in order to make others feel seen. Additionally, it is a practice for when we find ourselves feeling angry or incensed by an opinion different from our own, to challenge us to pause, and look more closely for the common human thread shared with that person of opposition.

One word cannot solve all problems, but if we begin to look for more Sawubona moments, it might allow for more opportunities–like the farmer and the politician–for listening, learning, and finding common ground. When we feel seen/heard by another person, it makes us feel respected, and that feels good. Therefore, imagine the positive reverberations that could be created within our own local communities if we began to offer that same Sawubona feeling to even one person per day. It is certainly worth considering.

Move into Health, Part 10: Create a fitness plan that meets you where you are

April 20, 2023April 19, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

I came across a quote only days after my recent ACDF surgery by Oprah Winfrey that read, “Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a new way to stand.” It accurately summed up what I have been trying to do as I recover. Find new ways to stand, sit, sleep, work, walk, etc. . . Of course, I am blessed that my surgery did not require more than one night’s stay in the hospital, and wasn’t more serious. Nonetheless, surgery is no joke and recovery is for real.

My movement was limited for days following surgery. I had to learn to turn at the waist, rather than use my neck. Additionally, I had to focus on using my stomach muscles to get in and out of bed to avoid straining my neck. And, all forms of exercise, except for walking, was eliminated per staunch medical advice that my family took to heart with frequent reminders. (They didn’t need to worry, I truly wasn’t feeling like doing much during those first few days.)

Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

Walking, I was told by the release nurse, was to be completed every hour, even if it meant only completing one lap around the dining room table before I sat back down. However, I was encouraged, once I got past what the nurse called the “recliner days”–days when swelling and inflammation (aka pain) was at the highest level–to try to walk 10-15 minutes each hour. I had just completed a half-marathon, albeit slowly, only weeks earlier, and now this was my new fitness plan. What a shift!

So why was walking so important, even on those days when I didn’t feel like moving? Well, it turns out there are numerous valid reasons according to my doctor and as described in countless studies out of the Mayo Clinic, University of Wisconsin, and in a 2020 US News and World Report article. Here are a few of the reasons cited:

Prevention of post-surgery complications
Enhances blood flow throughout the body
Increases the flow of oxygen throughout the body
Accelerates wound healing
Strengthens muscles and bones
Improves digestion (aka ability to poop) and the function of urinary tract while reducing bloating and gas
Reduces risk for blood clots, infections, and lung issues, such as pneumonia
Boosts mood and self-esteem

Why do I share all of this? To make the point that my old fitness plan was, and currently is, no longer appropriate for me. I had to adopt a fitness plan that meets my body’s needs where it is. Therefore, my current movement plan consists of short segments of walking completed throughout the day as I remain home recovering, which complies with medical advice from my doctor and best meets the needs of my body.

*Gentle walking on my driveway or in my house is part of the slow and steady recovery plan*.

At the time of writing this, I am entering my third week of recovery. After my two-week, post-operative appointment, I now have permission to begin to gently explore a few strengthening exercises and stretches that can be completed without forward bending. Additionally, I can begin to explore my neck range of motion with a few doctor approved neck stretches and strengthening exercises, but nothing more. Slow and steady helps me find my new center of gravity.

Due to this experience, I want to continue to encourage you, Dear Reader, to carefully plan how you will enter, or reenter, your own exercise/movement plan this spring. Create a plan that meets your needs, and commit to doing it–even if you don’t “feel like it.” Personally speaking, I could feel angry and convince myself that if I can’t exercise the way I once did, then I won’t do anything at all. After all, it would be easy for me to sit around all day and use my surgery as an excuse to do nothing. Conversely, I could try to push too hard with the delusion that, “The staff doesn’t really know ME,” and begin overdoing it with images of former, younger me dancing in my head

Instead, I have accepted the reality of my situation, rather than reject the medical advice I have been given. They are the professionals, not me. I have to meet my body where it’s at when it comes to fitness. Sure, I have dreams of hiking again, walking (or jogging) the entire bike path of Ritter Park, and even practicing yoga with regularity, but none of those will ever happen if I don’t recover first. And my first step in recovery is walking, so my body can focus on the miraculous work of healing.

*Welcome walking into your life! You might be surprised by the benefits!*

Therefore, no matter where you are, what shape you are in, or any other personal obstacles that you may be facing unbeknownst to me, I still encourage you to never give up on regularly incorporating movement into your day. Avoid the temptation to make excuses for yourself, but at the same time, don’t start off with a complicated plan. Talk to your health care provider, and then start.

Start where you are. If you don’t regularly move, then begin, like me, with short walks around your home, or up and down your driveway or sidewalk. Do that 3-4 times per week. The following week, add one more lap, or add five more minutes to your walk, and complete it 3-4 times per week. Gradually, you will build up your time and the distance covered. By keeping this up over several weeks, you will create the habit of moving. Your body, lungs, and heart will be stronger, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you find you are reaping other unexpected benefits!

Think about this, my friends, if walking is scientifically established as one of the best tools for recovery after surgery, what can it do for you? Don’t beat yourself up because you are no longer what you once were, you didn’t exercise over winter due to the cold weather, you’ve never really tried to exercise previously, or you’re somewhere in between, like me. Start where you are at, and move one step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is fitness, but you have to take the first step, and spring is a great time to start.

Here we go my friend, take my hand, let’s find that new center of gravity, and cross this bridge together, one healing step at a time.

*Open the door to spring, and find your new center of gravity one small step at a time!*

A Lesson on the Power of Positivity

April 13, 2023April 14, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Lift up your two hands; remember one is for helping others while the other is for helping you.”–Israelmore Ayivor

“So, what do you do?”

Her name was Pam. I did not get her last name, but she was one of several nurses with whom I came into contact during my recent stay in a local hospital due to a surgical procedure. Pam was a competent, no-nonsense, veteran nurse, and she was asking me this question on my second day when my thinking was a bit less clouded by anesthesia and pain meds.

“I am a teacher, and I write,” was my simple response.

She asked several more polite questions regarding teaching while taking my vitals and dispensing meds; in turn, I asked about her work experience.

Then, she asked what I wrote about it. I tried to describe the various topics about which I most often wrote, and I ultimately summed it up by explaining that I tried to focus my writing on the positive topics, especially the ways in which readers can positively impact themselves and/or others.

My response really got her talking about the fact she believed there was too much negativity put out into the world. Pam then invited John, my husband, and me to imagine what would happen if people would take time to say one nice thing to another person? She went on to ask us to further envision those people, in turn, saying one nice thing to another person, and the way in which the chain of positivity would most likely continue.

Then, she looked at me and implored, “That’s what I want you to write about next.”

Pam made an excellent point. There is way too much negativity in the world, and I do not want to disappoint Pam. That is because she, along with Jennifer, Natalie and Brittany took excellent care of me immediately following surgery. However, Pam spent the longest amount of time with me over those two days, so this piece is written, not only in honor of Pam, but also in honor of all those who positively impacted my recovery.

Based upon my interactions with Pam, her professional conduct exemplifies what she was preaching to me. Specifically, when Pam first took charge of my care, when I was transferred from the post-surgery area to a hospital room, she insisted that I walk from the stretcher to the bed in the room. Of course, she guided and steadied me, as I was still strongly under the influence of anesthesia and pain meds, but her insistence established a positive tone for my recovery: the affirming belief that I could take ownership of my recovery.

Pam urged me to walk within the first 30 minutes of arriving on the floor. Again, she steadied me. When I asked how far I was supposed to go, she did not limit me. In fact, she told me to choose my directions and go as far as I wanted to go within the confines of the floor. Therefore, I felt compelled to go the full length of my boundaries, albeit ever-so-slowly and on wobbly legs initially.

Those first walking efforts were then met with praise and encouragement. Phrases like, “You’re doing great,” or “That’s good,,” buoyed my bruised spirit. Furthermore, when I apologized for moving slowly, she kept encouraging me. When I worried about being so unsteady, she instructed me to look straight ahead in the direction in which I was moving.

Furthermore, Pam (and the rest of the nurses) insisted I do as much as I could on my own. She did not hold onto me long, once my muscle memory of walking returned. To be sure, her hands were at the ready each time I waivered a bit, but she always maintained a stance that facilitated as much independence as I could muster.

Of course, I fully admit several of my memories are veiled under a haze of postoperative fog. Nonetheless, the ones that remain, I believe, are stored there because of the positive efforts of nursing staff, family, and friends.

In fact, several studies validate that the way in which a person reacts to specific events or situations determines, not only one’s ability to commit to memory what happened, but also affects one’s ability to recall that event/situation later. What’s even more interesting is that memories of emotional events are more vivid and remain more accurate as time passes.

This explains why, when I was first separated from John and my daughter and taken to a pre-operative area, I began to feel real tinges of fear. I was left alone in a curtained off corner with operating staff moving all around while other patients were being wheeled by for surgery. Furthermore, I did not have my glasses on, so my vision was not clear. Panic began to set in, and slow tears began to trickle out of my eyes.

Two distinct and separate memories remain from that time-period. First, there was a female who kept looking at me from across the room. I have no idea her position, but suddenly she walked over to me with a small box of hospital-issued tissues. I do not remember precisely what she said, but her voice was soothing, her eyes were kind, and her gentle pat with her gloved palm communicated understanding.

In contrast, several long moments later, the anesthesiologist arrived with a nonplussed look that quickly turned into a look of frustration when he heard that I had Raynaud’s disease, which could potentially affect the arterial line he needed to draw for the surgery. While I knew it wasn’t my fault, as I had repeatedly shared this information throughout the numerous paperwork, somehow the information had missed him. Immediately, my level of fear increased, not only because I irrationally felt he was angry with me, but also because my brain began to overthink about the two IVs, arterial line in my wrist, and a slew of other needles that would be involved during the procedure.

The unknown female in the pre-op room actions versus the aggrieved attitude of the anesthesiologist, perfectly illustrate Pam’s point. If you spread negativity, even unintentionally, it lingers with others, and can potentially spread. Likewise, when you offer others kindness, generosity, patience, and positivity it ripples out in waves across humanity; however, instead of stirring up little fires of fear, those positive qualities quell the fears and anxieties of troubled hearts, and perhaps, offer hope to those in need.

Thank you, for the exemplary reminder, Pam. Wherever you are, may your day be filled with positive moments worth remembering in the same way I will remember you, and the rest of the nurses, who not only cared for me, but chose, and continue to choose, to positively impact lives. Thank you.

Trusting before a surgery

April 6, 2023April 3, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

A quote attributed to voice actor, Billy West, states, “Life is for living. I was a little scared before surgery ‘cause of the release you sign that says there’s always a very small percent chance that you’ll die during the operation.” This quote pretty much sums up how I feel as I write this piece the morning before I have a fairly common neck surgery. I am a little scared, but I am going to trust. Trust my surgeon; trust that Divine Providence will guide his hands, eyes, and mind; trust the surgical team that will be in there with me; and be at ease knowing I am loved and supported by a community of family and friends.

As fate would have it, I was recently listening to a guided meditation designed to focus on my breathing in order to reduce anxiety. The meditation teacher ended the session by explaining that if you mix up the letters of TRUST, you can create the word, strut. Therefore, by trusting in the Divine, you can “strut” into the future in the confidence that you are held and beloved. Needless to say, I love word-play, so that idea grabbed my attention, leading me down a further path of thought . . .

It led me to reflect on a popular acronym for the word, FEAR: false evidence appearing real. The closer to the date of my surgery, the more real the fear has felt, which seems so silly to the logical part of my mind. Honestly, I think a large part of it has had to do with the overwhelming task of preparing to be out of commission for at least four weeks. This is due to the fact that I am not naturally organized, so to try to think through all the different details that needed to be addressed, especially with regards to my classroom as well as several other items, seemed daunting.

Another reason I think the feelings of fear increased was because well-intentioned friends and family members began asking, the week before my procedure, how I felt. Up until they started asking, I hadn’t really felt/thought too much about the procedure. I mean, after all, if you don’t think about it, it can’t hurt you, right?!?!

Seriously, I knew that those who asked were sincerely trying to connect with me, or let me know they cared and/or were interested in my well-being. For that, I am eternally grateful. Which led me to create my own word-play-acronym for FEAR: friendly embrace affecting (my) resistance.

For weeks, I had resisted thinking/dwelling upon the impending procedure. Heart-felt questions expressed by loved ones allowed me to face my resistance to the surgery, express my feelings (fairly) openly and honest, and offered me a metaphorical embrace of support, care, and/or love–which is often hard to accept when you are used to being the one who gives it to others.

In fact, this FEAR–friendly embrace affecting (my) resistance–has allowed me to see that if I am going to give to others, I have to humbly accept when others give to me, even if it feels uncomfortable. For example, I had a student stop me after class and ask me to not worry about them while I was gone. She offered me a note, along with a beautifully handwritten prayer from her Baháʼí faith.

“Let us pray for you now,” she said. I was moved to tears.

A beautiful prayer from the Bahá’í faith written by a student for me.

Our school and church priest stopped me to say that he would be praying for me. I didn’t even know he knew!

A parent filled a paper box to the brim with individually wrapped items for my post-surgery care, complete with four night shirts with buttons up the front, so as to avoid having to pull clothes over my neck incision. There were teas, chocolates, books, a coloring meditation book created by her son’s uncle, colored pencils, a massaging tool, cold/hot pack, and several other considerate touches that I would not have thought of. Plus, she showered me with messages of encouragement. This was yet another example of a friendly embrace affecting (my) resistance.

My daughter asked the university in which she is enrolled in a 12-month, fast-track graduate program, for permission to be absent for a couple days to help me out. John, my husband of nearly 34 years, took the entire week off work, something he would never do under normal circumstances. My parents have been praying, my siblings have been texting/sending funny memes, friends have been reaching out and sending both text and video messages. All friendly embraces affecting (my) resistance.

So about the fear . . . yes, it is present as I write these words. Yes, I feel it in my gut and in my slightly elevated heart rate. However, by the time you have read this, Dear Reader, I will have TRUST(ed) the Divine and the many guided, well-trained hands of the surgical room, and I will have STRUT(ed) into my recovery phase. It will not be an easy process, most likely; however, any kind of healing process is slow and full of challenges. Nonetheless, “I will FEAR no evil,” and I will continue to try my best to allow those friendly embraces to affect (my likely) resistance along the recovery route.

Detaching from the illusions our attachments create

March 9, 2023March 8, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.–Douglas Adams

A coworker and I were talking after school one day about plans for the work week, the schedule, and what we were planning. It was a brief exchange as he was preparing to leave for the day, and I was settling into grading papers.

I jokingly said, as he headed out of the door, “You know it’s all an illusion. We can plan all we want, but who knows how it will really unfold.”

This made us both laugh and shake our heads because we both know as teachers no matter how much thought, effort, and time we put into planning for our students, things rarely go as predicted. Schedules can change and/or students’ level of attention, understanding, or even behavior can completely alter our well–intended plans, creating the need to pivot quickly, adapt and modify plans.

Sure enough, the very next day, plans for the week had changed. We rethought and restructured our plans. The next day arrived with another change. Before long, how the week actually turned out was very different from how it was originally conceived.

I share this, not as a point of negativity, but rather as a point of reality. Rarely does life unfold as we plan for it. Nonetheless, I still tend to cling to schedules and routines since I am not naturally organized. However, I have learned to embrace the word “flux” over the years. In fact, I am realizing that my attachment to “how things should be” is all just one big illusion.

Furthermore, my illusion is due to my attachment to “control,” which, in fact, is also an illusion. The desire for control is a gripping cycle for many of us. Our attachment to ______ (how things were, how they should be, or how they could be) reflects our wish for control. It also helps to create the illusion that we will be happy if everything “goes according to plans.” However, when things don’t go as we had hoped, we can feel downhearted or disappointed.

However, it’s not just schedules and outcomes to which we attach ourselves. We can attach ourselves to friends, family, groups, teams, circumstances, positions, things and so forth. We begin to identify with those people, those groups, those situations, and so forth. Even our address becomes a point of attachment.

Unfortunately, these attachments can sometimes allow stress to enter our lives when/if we lose one of these identifiers, things, or when circumstances change. Sometimes a change can become nearly debilitating due to our grief and sense of loss. Other times, our anxiety spirals out of control from the pressure we feel as a result of expectations caused by our attachments.

Again, none of this is inherently bad. We are all human beings, experiencing the very human need for belonging, validation, and contribution. However, it might be helpful to also allow for some amount of detachment as we move through life. This is because when we attempt to only hold on to what feels familiar and comfortable, we can sometimes prevent ourselves from experiencing a newfound way to experience joy and happiness. Therefore, it is worth remembering the importance of letting go, or at the very least, holding loosely, in order to allow for new, unimagined life experiences.

I was thinking more about this attachment-control-illusion cycle as I went for my weekly long run one morning along the tree lined paths of Ritter park. Jogging alongside those noble limbed sentinels, I realized that trees are not attached to one another. Instead, they function independently, even though they are part of a collective landscape.

Numerous dogs, people, and other creatures move in all directions under the shelter of the branches. Chunky squirrels and round robins flit up, down, and all around outstretched tree arms. All the while, neither do the trees attach their identity to or make plans for any of this, nor do they try to control it.

The trees did not seek my attention, and yet I couldn’t help but notice them. Neither did the trees seem to need my praise or approval. Nonetheless, my mind kept marveling at the way their leaves were beginning to bud while at the same time birds were creating neighborhoods of nestled nests. Likewise, without being attached to a certain group, I could still identify the various types of trees.

The park trees, like all trees, are independently rooted in the soil and work with the circumstances in which they find themselves planted. They do not, per se, have expectations or plans for how their growing season should unfold. In fact, they can’t even count on predictable circumstances from year to year, so changeable is the weather.

Photo by Mauriciooliveira109 on Pexels.com

No matter their situation, and without any attachments or attempts to control, trees still manage to contribute. They act as a refuge for food and shelter for birds and other animals/insects. During warmer months, their well-dressed branches provide cooling shade for people and creatures alike. Trees even offer opportunities for raucous fun as squirrels chase one another all around their trunks and branches while birds play hide and seek, singing songs of tidings.

Near the end of my jog, the sun began to burn through the tapestry of clouds. As the glistening light gradually emerged, the overcast dullness gave way. Instantly, I felt less encumbered by tired legs, and a renewed vigor filled my heart and lungs.

I was then reminded of how cloudy our thinking can become when we fall prey to our self-inflicted illusions. Furthermore, I began to see that there is no pushing through attachments and the illusions our attachments create. Rather, it is a practice we must intentionally pursue through patience, perseverance, and most of all gentleness, which is not easy. However, the more we can recognize when we are attaching, the more often we may be better able to lightly detach.

Personally, I still like predictable plans as well as my coworker. Nonetheless, similarly to the way the sunlight lifted my spirits as I jogged, I know that the more we can detach or grasp less to our so-called illusory plans/attachments, the more we can experience unexpected, and dare I say, unplanned, moments of joy!

Photo by Sebastian Arie Voortman on Pexels.com

Use the RAINDROP technique to weather life’s emotional storms

March 2, 2023March 1, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Peace is this moment without thinking that it should be some other way, that you should feel some other thing, that your life should unfold according to your plans.”–Dorothy Hunt

Several months ago, during the fall of the year, I was walking on a local, circular path. Suddenly, I heard the loud rev of an engine. VROOM! I saw a large SUV type vehicle, careening, plowing, and then swerving off the road, straight towards the path over which I walked.

My heart began to race, and my thoughts quickened, trying to process what I was witnessing. The SUV drove along the slope that forms a ditch line surrounding the path. KREECH! The sound of metal collapsing was ear-splitting as the vehicle crashed into a heavily staked, metal line, thick and entwined like a rope, that supported a power line pole. Fear raced through my veins as I ran towards the vehicle to see if the person inside was ok while grabbing my phone to call 911.

I find this event to be an excellent illustration of what it means to witness. I was the bystander. My senses heard, saw, and even felt this scene as it unfolded in a surreal manner. This same skill of witnessing as a bystander is a tool we can use to help navigate difficult emotions/feelings when they come crashing into our life path. And, let’s be honest, difficult emotions can be a regular occurrence at all stages of life.

From anxiety to depression to life event stressors and work stressors, I daresay none of us are immune to challenging emotions such as anger, insecurity, sadness, fear, and numerous other less-than-kind emotions. This is where tapping into the bystander part of the brain can help us navigate through the mental storm clouds with a technique called RAIN and its counterpart DROP, acronyms first coined by Michele McDonald, a mindfulness teacher.

There are times when we may not initially recognize that our emotions/feelings are impacting our thinking, but with a bit of practice, we can begin to recognize that they are. Actions such as, lack of focus/feeling distracted; binge eating/drinking/scrolling/watching; avoidance/procrastination, and so forth can be indicators that something is awry. Even seemingly positive actions can be a side effect of not-so-great feelings trying to bubble to the surface, such as busyness; continuously working; over-exercising; frequent napping, and so on.

This is when the RAIN technique can be effective. RAIN gently asks us to become a bystander in our minds to determine what we are feeling or perhaps trying to avoid feeling. Then, it takes us through a process of reflection to bring us to a point of compassionate self-awareness. Like all techniques, however, it takes practice, and it is not a one-stop-fix-all solution. However, it can be one more tool in life’s toolkit for managing difficulties and suffering.

Here are the steps, based upon my interpretation and personal application of the technique. However, it is worth noting that there are numerous free apps, videos, books, and websites that offer guided versions of this technique that can be quite helpful, especially in the beginning.

Recognize what is going on and name it. “I’m feeling angry, hurt, lonely, sad . . . .” Then you might also notice if you’re judging those feelings or feeling guilty for having the feelings in the first place.

Acknowledge and Allow. Once you’ve named it, begin to witness your feelings as a bystander would at the scene of an accident. If thoughts pop up that tell you that “shouldn’t feel this way,” gently tell yourself that it is ok to have this feeling.

Investigate your emotion/feeling with curiosity and interest minus judgment or blaming self or others. What are you feeling and where are you feeling? Similarly to the way I experienced the accident–first in my heart, next in my mind, and finally in my body–where in your body do you feel this emotion? How is it affecting you? Do you want to cry, eat, move, hide, nap, and so on?

Natural Awareness, Non-identification and Nurture. This is where you can tell yourself that just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it defines who you are. Instead, use this as a lesson for how ________ (name the emotion) feels like, similar to the way you feel symptoms of a cold, the flu and so on. Then, take time to offer yourself compassion just as you do when experiencing a cold or flu. You could even place a hand on your heart center or gently pat your cheek as an act of self-compassion.

Contrastly, each stage (letter) of DROP to a corresponding, often knee-jerk, reaction to each step (letter) of the RAIN process. It creates a greater understanding of those monkey mind tendencies that want to interrupt or impede the RAIN process in order to confuse the bystander role of our brain.

Distraction and Delusion. Our brains would often rather distract or delude us from the truth of the matter instead of allowing us to recognize and name what we are really experiencing.

Resistance. Sometimes, this means, we have to push past our mind’s initial resistance in order to allow and accept the emotion we are experiencing.

Obliviousness. When you take time to honestly investigate a so-called negative feeling, you are overcoming the self-obliviousness, the “I lie to myself all the time, but I never believe me” habit, so many of us unwittingly practice.

Personalization. Your feelings do not have to be the narrative of your life. You might feel angry, but it doesn’t mean you’re an angry person. You might cry when you feel insecure, but it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. In other words, don’t make the emotion/feeling personal, it just is.

Raindrops are going to come and go in life, and some time periods are cloudier than others. There are times when it seems those rain-filled clouds will not leave. And so it can be with our emotions. We cannot always control the stormy feelings and thoughts that we encounter throughout life’s ups and downs, but we can choose to change our relationship to them. With the RAIN practice, we can tap into our brain’s ability to witness the impending storm clouds and offer ourselves an umbrella of self-compassion and understanding to help us weather the storms of life with a greater sense of resilient grace.

Rain and Umbrella by Fu00e9lix Hilaire Buhot (French, 1847u20131898) is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Mind Over Matter: Mental Strategies to Push Towards Your Movement Goals

February 16, 2023February 15, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Put all excuses aside and remember this: You are capable.”–Zig Ziglar

During my Saturday morning run this past week, there were numerous times I wanted to quit. It had taken me nearly two hours to complete, and it had not felt nearly as good as my last run at the exact same distance. Nonetheless, I kept employing different mental strategies I’ve learned over the years and, ultimately, completed my goal.

That run got me thinking about the importance of mindset and the mental strategies/techniques we sometimes need to employ to incorporate more movement and exercise into our lives. Therefore, in this 8th installment of my “Move into Health” series, I will share several research based mental strategies for exercise/movement for those days when we “aren’t feeling it.” Moreover, many of these tips can be applied to other areas of life, such as tackling difficult tasks.

The mind-body connection is powerful. Whether discussing exercise, or tackling a difficult/challenging project, it is important to recognize the influence of the mind-body connection. From having a churning stomach in response to an upside routine change, such as shift workers, to coming down with a cold after prolonged exposure to a stressful event, our bodies respond to the changes in our mind. Therefore, by understanding this connection, we can unleash its potential to positively influence our attitudes and choices, especially with regards to movement goals.

Be patient; remember the long game, and avoid comparison: As my decades continue to stack, the long-game is most often at the forefront of my thoughts. By prioritizing the fact that I want to remain injury free, healthy, mentally engaged, and purpose-driven for years to come, I’ve had to slow down, make moderation a priority, and avoid comparisons to my past self, previous workouts, and definitely not to others. It’s important to be clear on long-term life goals and determine how movement/exercise can benefit that plan. When we see how exercise and movement can contribute to and enhance our bigger life picture, it provides a bit more motivation to get out there, even when we don’t “feel like it.”

Let go of attachments, especially to perfection and the all or nothing mindset: Our mind can be a bit of a trickster and convince us that exercise and movement should feel, be, or look a certain way. That’s all nonsense. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel great, but if nothing is hurt or injured, we have to keep going. Other times, we may have little in the tank or reduced time. Rather than throw in the towel, try another workout or shorten your workout time. Some form of added movement is always better than nothing!

Embrace the unknown, including discomfort: Along with letting go of attachments to how exercise/movement should be, it is important to embrace the unknown. Whether it is going to a new gym, a new exercise class, or walking in a new area, accept that it will feel uncomfortable and new for the first few times. Likewise, it is important to understand that with muscle growth comes some discomfort, including sore muscles. This is where it is important to discern the good pain from the “I-might-be injured” pain. Most of our pain is the good kind, but we do need to pay attention to unusual or persistent pain.

Muscle has memory: The more we exercise/move, the fitter we become, and the “easier” it is for the body to move. This is important for those of us who are not “naturally” gifted athletes, or no longer spring chicks for that matter! As our fitness levels increase, our likewise energy increases, making even everyday movement tasks feel easier. Now that’s motivating!

Break “large” workouts into smaller tasks and start easy: When I am faced with a long run, I think about it in chunks, and I start slowly with a walk to build success. With each successfully completed chunk, I mentally celebrate, “One-third down, only two-thirds left to go!” I continue in this manner until I attain my goal mileage. Additionally, I’ve applied this mindset across a multitude of workouts and projects unrelated to exercise.

Visualize the feeling of success that comes with finishing, and don’t underestimate the potency of a smile: This is a tool I employ before and during a workout. I think about how good it will feel to know I accomplished whatever it is I set out to do. By focusing on that feeling, I automatically smile. Smiling starts a chain reaction of positive feelings coursing throughout my body, but especially my brain. It is those good vibes that keep me going, and they can keep you going too!

Adapt a “no-fail” mindset. Since we do have that mind-body connection, we can harness the power of words to move our bodies. Create a mantra, or saying, for when your workout or movement gets tough. I often talk to myself during, especially hard workouts. I’ll use phrases like, “You can do this, Steph.” “You’ve got this, Steph.” Other times, I use one word, such as, “Fortitude,” “Perseverance,” and “Tenacity,” which are a few of my favorites. The key is finding the motivating word(s) that strengthen your resolve.

Power up with music and songs: Music doesn’t motivate everyone, but it certainly does a large number of us. The right playlist can motivate and move you into action.

Create a reward system: I call it the if-then principal. If you do this, then you get to do this. Have some sort of reward system in place for yourself, and focus on it during those challenging workouts.

Have a purpose for your run: I often have a prayer/meditation that I repeatedly say. Other times, I run in honor of a veteran (Team Red White & Blue and Wear Blue) by writing the name of a veteran on my hand, or creating a list of several vets and tucking the list into a tiny pocket in my tights. The point is that by adding a higher purpose to my workout, I attach greater meaning to a workout that increases my motivation.

Everyday may not offer ideal situations for movement; therefore, having a toolkit of mental “hacks” can help us push past our own resistance and/or excuses. Exercise not only works only our muscles, but also our mental strength and, ultimately, our overall well-being. Combining the power of the mind-body connection, especially over time, improves both our physical well being and creates a more disciplined and determined mind. So grab your toolbelt, and learn to attach and switch out any of these various tools to motivate you to move into health, so you never have a reason to give up.

While you’re scrolling, your life is rolling

February 9, 2023February 10, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Social media is an amazing tool, but it’s really the face-to-face interaction that makes a long-term impact.”–Felicia Day

Most of us have been guilty of this. I know I have. However, having taken a huge step back for numerous months from my own personal use of social media, I often find it a point of fascination when I observe people in public who are engaged with the ¾-time dance of media consumption. Scroll, scroll, tap. Scroll, scroll, tap. Scroll, scroll, tap.

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

Case in point, recently my husband, John, and I went to a nice restaurant for dinner. We chose to sit at the small bar area for dinner–no waiting for a table and typically better, more attentive service. Unfortunately, we picked the wrong night to go, and the restaurant–even the bar area–was slammed only minutes after we arrived.

While we waited (and waited) for food, the area in which we were seated became more and more crowded. John and I were often bumped, jostled, and occasionally shoved in customers’ attempts to gain the bartender’s attention. With so much background noise around us, it grew more difficult to talk, and I found myself drifting into people-watching mode.

John calls this behavior, “Steph, the story writer mode.” This is because I will often lean in to him to share a narrative I’ve developed based upon my observations of others–nothing bad, just some made-up plot-line for a book that I could envision. I like to think of it as one of my more creative and endearing habits, but I am not sure that John feels that way!

But I digress . . .

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

On this particular evening, I noticed two types of people. Those standing, or sitting, waiting for a table without talking while ceaselessly scrolling and tapping on their phones, with the occasional lean-over-to-another-person to share an image on their phone. Then there were those whose heads were collectively bent over a communal phone, laughing and commenting on screen images.

One such group was close to me, and their conversation was so loud that I could not tune them out. They were repeatedly making particularly cruel comments about what sounded to be their so-called friends’ social media feeds. While I am not niave to the ways with which humans can be cruel and/or talk to one another, I still found this groups’ negativity and harsh judgment of friends to be exceptionally mean-spirited. I felt as if someone in the room had purposely roused up a nest of wasps, and the insects’ anger was being unleashed upon those within hearing distance of this conversation.

Ultimately, John and I decided to get our food to go, and leave the negative environment. Nonetheless, the moment stayed with me the next few days as I tried to process and understand what I observed.

To begin, my instinct was to immediately think, in a self-righteous manner, “See this is what social media does. It promotes and reinforces nothing but negative, hyper-competitive, social-comparing, cyberbullying, anxiety-driven behaviors.” However, I know that is an unfair assessment.

Social media can offer positives. It can allow for people miles apart to remain connected and easily facilitate communication, especially across time zones. Furthermore, there are a wealth of sites offering support and coping mechanisms for those fighting serious physical and mental health conditions. Additionally, there are numerous affirming informative communities for a wide array of specialized interests including physical and mental wellness, books, music, religious/philosophical pursuits, self-help/betterment, to name a mere few.

Therefore, I realized quickly my issue had more to do with the negative way in which social media can be used. For example, some of those I observed waiting for a table in a crowded entryway, may have social anxiety. Therefore, flipping mindlessly through cute kitten and puppy videos could help ease the discomfort of being surrounded by strangers. Perhaps, others have a tendency to become angry or rude during extended waits, so mindlessly scrolling through sports clips or silly dance moves takes the edge of their impatience, allowing them to pass the time more peacefully.

There might have been others who had had a particularly bad day, so they may have needed some positive or humorous images to settle their minds. Others might have been using their wait time as an opportunity to get caught up on required reading, personal reading, or even the news of the day. All of these are seemingly perfectly valid reasons.

But here’s my two-part concern: One, the vicious cycle of comparison (either as a point for confirming that your life is better than others, or fostering the belief that your life is lesser than others); and two, inaction–ignoring the present moment, failing to appreciate your surroundings, and/or overlooking an opportunity for real time engagement with the people who are present with you (or perhaps only a phone call away).

In fact, the next day, as I watched what was clearly a mother and daughter in a coffee shop in which mom was doing the “scroll, scroll, tap” on her phone as the daughter looked around the coffee shop, picking at her food, a phrase came to mind, “While you’re scrolling, your life is rolling.”

I am not sure if I made up that phrase, or if it was a phrase I had previously heard. However, at that moment, as I waited for my own to-go order, it seemed fitting. The mom had an opportunity for real-time conversation with her daughter, but the moment was tragically passing. One day, the daughter will no longer have time to get coffee and cake with her mom, and cherished moments, like the very one they were experiencing, will have passed.

Of course, this mom could have had a very valid reason for being on her phone. After all, I was only in the shop for no more than five minutes, so I have no way of knowing. The point is this, social media and the internet are a lot like the opening line to Star Trek, “Space–the final frontier.” Our phones and other devices are tools, full of limitless possibilities and discoveries, but just like the Star-Trek crew, they are not replacements for real-life interactions.

Our bodies, minds, and souls have a limited amount of energy and time. In fact, our time and energy are precious commodities. Therefore, what I have concluded is the importance of mindful awareness–not only of our use of social media, but also of the very pricelessness of the life that is around us. Positive social media engagement, in strategically planned doses, can absolutely be beneficial, but it cannot replace those real-time conversations, interactions, and opportunities that surround us. Bringing awareness to those real-time, life-connecting, and affirming relationships should be a priority in our day-to-day life over social media, before those opportunities pass us by.

Like Cereal Soaking up Milk

February 2, 2023January 31, 2023 by stephsimply, posted in Simple Observations and Musings

“Gather ye rose-buds while ye may,

Old Time is still a-flying . . .” –Robert Herrick

I stepped out of the car and into the liquid sunshine pouring over the park. Above me, a brilliant flash of red caught my eye. A red-headed woodpecker landed near the top of an electric pole directly in front of me. It cocked its head this way and that, scampered around the top of the pole in half a circle, and then, with a quick flap of its wings, darted back across the road to land on the trunk of a nearby evergreen tree.

Smiling, I made my way around my car toward the trunk to stow away my purse before my jog began. Rat-a-tat-tat. Rat-a-tat-tat. The woodpecker found its morning rhythm; a reminder that I needed to do the same.

Along the sidewalk beside my car, a swishing caught my eye. It was the friendly sway of a tail of a large shaggy dog of no particular breed, replete with long black and white bushy fur. Hip-hop, hip-hop, scurried its four paws in a perfect cadence with its owner, leash amenably loose.

Inhaling, the crisp morning air rushed in prickly through my nose, and hinted of the day’s warming to come. Aromatic, earthy scents lingered in the air, a mix of damp earth, decaying leaves, and cold rocks. Breathing in once more, the fragrant air brought to mind a word a student had recently run across in a book, petrichor, and had asked me to not only pronounce it, but also explain it.

“Uhm, let’s see, the scent of walking along a wooded path after a rain.”

Inwardly smiling at that memory, in the geeky way of one who loves words, I closed the trunk, started a podcast, adjusted the volume low–in order to listen, but also hear the surrounding sounds–and away I went with my own pit-pat, pit-pat rhythm.

Photo by Jonathan Petersson on Pexels.com

It was the kind of rare winter day in the Tri-State area in which the chilly morning would give way to golden sunshine warming the air to a relatively toasty 50 degrees. In fact, it was predicted to be the kind of day in which I want to tilt my head back, spread my arms, and embrace the sun’s rays in the same way a small child reaches for a loved one’s arms. Most January and February days, in our neck of the woods, are often cold, cloudy, and gray–wash and repeat–lacking little in the way of inspiration. Therefore, gleaming days of full-on sunshine must be celebrated, soaked-up, and gathered like a flower cut for a spring vase.

It reminded me of Saturday morning cereal as a teen. During those years, when I tended to sleep late, it was my habit to eat cold, boxed cereal upon my late morning rousing. Those were the days of pouring large bowls of cereal, hosing them down with milk, and reading the box as if it were a treasured novel.

Wheaties was a particularly popular brand at the time. I loved the ritual of letting those gingerbread colored flakes soak up the milk, making them thicker, sweeter, and chewier. Weird as it may sound, I savored each soaked spoonful, one ritualistic bite after another, in my attempt to lengthen the solitary solace of the morning.

That was how I felt on this day. Like cereal soaking up milk, I wanted to soak up the splendor of the rare, mid-winter sun sighting. Heading down the path, the sun played hide-and-seek with me, using clouds of varying thickness to conceal its bright warmth. Nonetheless, by my jog’s end, its rays were resplendent, warming the cab of my car as I lowered my bones inside. So, so yummy.

How many moments do we have in life in which nothing in particular is happening; and yet, it is everything all at once. All the simple sweetness of life wrapped up and twisted tootsie-roll tight, just waiting for us to take notice, sanguinely unwrap, and allow its taste to roll around, lingering on our tongues as we soak up all its sugary goodness. Those are the days where things flow, go right, feel good, but absolutely nothing special, per se, occurs. These need to be plucked, gathered, and dried between the pages of life, so we can hold, admire, and even cling to them during our darkest moments.

Life, I am finding, is a vase. A vase that cannot be filled with salaries, brand-names, large houses, or ranking status. Instead, it is a vase waiting to be filled with stems topped with colorful petals of memories. Memories of molten sunshine days, heads tossed back with laughter, tender kisses, and soft touches. Moments of whispered words and words best left unspoken. Memories and moments hand-picked over a period of time, arranged, rearranged, and replenished if only we take the time to gather them.

Like cereal soaking up milk, may you soak up all of the nourishment of an ordinary, every day moment. Fill your vase with the blossoms of these moments. May they nourish your spirit and feed your soul, even during the darkest days of winter.

Yoga Classes

Category: Simple Observations and Musings

Teachers Matter: Welcome to the Next Generation of Educators

Sawubona: How this one word could change the world

Move into Health, Part 10: Create a fitness plan that meets you where you are

A Lesson on the Power of Positivity

Trusting before a surgery

Detaching from the illusions our attachments create

Use the RAINDROP technique to weather life’s emotional storms

Mind Over Matter: Mental Strategies to Push Towards Your Movement Goals

Like Cereal Soaking up Milk

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